


The One worth Suffering for

by cillasstuff



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bottom Jensen, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Top Jared Padalecki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 16:51:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cillasstuff/pseuds/cillasstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Jensen have been together for years and finally decided to start a family. When Jared was out of town, Jensen was brutally attacked in their home and left for dead. Together they struggle  to come to terms with what happened to Jensen because of secrets Jared kept.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One worth Suffering for

**Author's Note:**

> This has been fun and an interesting write for me. The story was based on a prompt from found [here](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/50441.html?thread=13575689#t13575689). There are several people I'd like to thank for getting me through this, but I'll start with for making me want to attempt writing mpreg and then making my next three stories in that genre. I want to give a huge shout out to for her cheerleading and excellent skills as a beta. Any mistakes found are my own. And then there's the art, OMG it's wonderful thanks to the brilliant . I'd also like t give a huge hug to for making this such a wonderful experience.
> 
> This is for Mpreg Big bang

**“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”  
― Bob Marley**

 

He’s here again, openly staring at Jensen and knowing that Jensen will not offer a single protest. What good would it do anyway? Jensen, Jared, and almost everyone in their inner circle have filed complaints with the police and have even confronted the man. The thing they discovered was according to the law, it is not illegal for Jeffery Dean Morgan to eye fuck Jensen Ackles. Imagine that.

Jensen is seated with his back against the wall in order to keep Jeff in sight. Because Jensen and their group of friends were aware of the situation with Jeff, they all understood his need for this seat, to always keep Morgan in his line of vision. In fact, they insisted that he take that seat. If he and Jared were the last to arrive, it was always available for him. “Where is the waitress with my tea?” Jensen rhetorically asked his table of friends who mostly ignored him. He would prefer something stronger to deal with Morgan, but he and his partner, had been officially trying to get pregnant for the past month, so alcohol was out for him. “Did she have to brew it?”

“No Princess, I told her I’d bring it to you when I came out of the head,” Chad answered walking up beside him and offering the drink in question. “Told Jared he was spoiling your ass.”

“Fucker did you wash your filthy hands?” Jensen teased as he accepted the beverage from his childhood friend. “Besides, you spoil me too.”

“I don’t know Jen,” Chris chuckled from his seat opposite of Jensen, “that sure don’t look like lemon to me.” When Chad glared at him from across the table, Chris threw his hands up and said, “Just saying.”

Jensen laughed at his friends, sat back in his chair, and sipped the cold drink. Throughout the years, work and commitments caused a few absentees, but at tonight’s gathering the only person missing was his partner of seven years, Jared Padalecki. He has been out of town for the week on business and was due home Sunday morning. The rest of the group thinks he will be home tomorrow, but this extra day will give Jensen room to breathe from their overprotectiveness and before he will be smothered in Jared’s.

Glancing around the table, Jensen is always amazed at the friends he and Jared accumulated over the years. Some bonds like Chris Kane and Chad Michael Murray (he christened himself that when he was ten) are old ones and then there are the new ones like Aldis Hodge and Katie Cassidy’s new boyfriend, Matt Cohen. Everyone in the group is so much alike it is as though they are one entity, all protective of each other. This can be both bad and good. As they are all aware that Jared is away on business they have been keeping an eye on him for Jared, as though Jensen cannot function without him around.

“Hey man, who is Uncle Creepy over there staring at this table?” Aldis asks nodding his head towards the bearded older man at a table across from them. “He’s been staring all night.”

All heads turned to where Aldis was looking to see to whom he was referring. “Oh, that’s Jensen’s stalker Jeffery Dean Morgan” Katie answered as though that explained everything. Seeing the confusion on the man’s face, she explained further. “That is Jeffery Dean Morgan, and he has been hot for Jensen for years. When he and Jared got together seven years ago, Jeffery started stalking him. Jensen likes to laugh it off, but we don’t trust him.”

“Hey, right here,” Jensen interrupted, “I’ve told you asses about talking about me as though I am not here.”

“Well man you won’t do anything about it.” Mike Rosenbaum alleged glaring across the room at the object of their discussion.

“Or let us do anything,” Chris Kane chimed in.

“He hasn’t done anything to cause me bodily harm and has made no threats.” Jensen mimicked the police officers words to him “however, if you do anything, it will be you who ends up in jail and not Mr. Morgan over there.”

“Whatever man,” Chris dismissed Jensen’s spiel with a laugh, “But if your ass wasn’t so pretty we wouldn’t have to watch out for you!” he joked, ducking just in time to miss the dinner roll Jensen tossed at his head.

Jeffery Dean Morgan, the reason for his friends over protectiveness, has reserved the table across from theirs almost as long as they have been coming to this restaurant. Although he can’t be certain, but he is almost sure, this is where he and Morgan first met. They were friendly at first even joining them at their table some evenings. When it became obvious that Jared and Jensen were more than just friends, the older man started showing an interest in Jensen and his displeasure that he was with Jared. At first, Jensen gently rebuffed the man, explaining he was flattered by his interest; and that he and Jared were now involved.

Around his friends, Jensen pretended that the mans continued interest did not bother him, but it did. He had continuously voiced this fear to Jared and knew this was the reason he had their friends watching him. Both he and Jared had made herculean efforts to know where the man was at all times, but that had proved to be impossible, however, the man always seemed to know where they were. He had often showed up at restaurants, charity events and other social events the two of them attended.

Looking at Jeff as he texted someone, Jensen felt a shudder go through his body. He did not know why, but tonight things just felt off and he took comfort in the fact that his overprotective friends surrounded him. The uneasiness probably stemmed from the little barely there smirks Jeff had been giving him all evening as if he knew something Jensen didn’t. A few minutes later when Jeff called for his check, and for once left before he did, Jensen’s body visibly relaxed because tonight he did not have to worry whether or not he had been followed or that he had to walk out with someone else like he was a fucking girl.

In Jared’s absence, if Jeff had not left early, even the women would have offered to walk him to his car. He knows that they all mean well, but sometimes it is just a little overwhelming, and made him feel helpless. If it was this bad now, how would they react if he was pregnant?

“Hey guys,” Chad, announced looking up from his phone, “I gotta get up early tomorrow, because apparently I have to take an extra shift so I’m calling it a night.” Chad stood up and said his goodbyes to everyone before actually leaving. Jensen sensed that he didn’t want to leave but he needed the rest.

Chad had been gone about five minutes before Jensen realized that the blonde had left his cell on the table. Jensen turned to see if perhaps he was still saying his goodbyes, but Chad was gone. Misha volunteered to run after him, but by the time he got to the parking lot, Chad had already driven away. Jensen concluded that because Chad actually knew that Jared would not be home until Sunday, he would visit them and he would return his phone then. He placed it in his front pocket to keep track of it until he returned it later, but he would still call Chad’s landline tomorrow to let him know that he had his cell.

Fifteen minutes after Chad said goodnight, Jensen realized that he was getting extremely tired and if he didn’t want to fall asleep while driving home, giving Jared another reason to be possessive, then he should follow suit; so along with Misha and Jake he said his farewells and left. 

Pulling into the drive safe and sound with no damage to him or other drivers, Jensen still couldn’t understand why he was so tired. In the back of his mind, he remembered that that was one of the first signs of pregnancy, and smiled at the thought. He had a test in his bathroom that he would take as soon as he was rested because as tired as he was right now, there is no way he had the coordination to piss on that little stick. As he tried to put his key in the lock, the door cooperated by just opening so he really didn’t have to fight to fit the key in the lock. In the morning, he was going to figure out why that should be important, but tonight he just couldn’t focus on it.

He began to make his way across the room to the stairs that led up to their bedroom when an arm wrapped around his shoulders.

“Jared?” He questioned confused. “’S not Sunday, why’re you here?”

“Not Jared sweetheart,” a gravelly voice whispered in his ear.

Fighting through his fog-hazed mind, he recognized that the voice did not belong to Jared and also more importantly, it did not belong in his home. When the second set of hands touched him, he knew something was wrong, his survival instinct kicked in Jensen attempted to turn, and run but the second man struck him from behind.

One of the men stood on the bottom step towering over him and the other behind him effectively blocking him in. “Please, I don’t have any cash,” he pleaded hoping robbery was their motivation, “but you can take anything you want just please… don’t hurt me.”

The man behind him chuckled as though Jensen had told a joke, “But Jensen, hurting you is what we want.”

“No, we don’t have to hurt him,” the other man denied, “not as long as he gives us what we want.”

“Look, no one has been hurt here, nothing has been done that you can’t just walk away from. “Jensen tried to reason finally understanding what it was they wanted. “Please, just go.”

“Waited too long to get you alone, to touch you, fuck if I walk away now.” Gravelly voice revealed.

“Yeah,” Chuckles agreed as he reached out and stroked Jensen’s arm. “Too long.”

In an attempt to appeal to their humanity, Jensen begged again in a whisper “Please don’t …”

He couldn’t say the words, could not believe that this was happening to him in his own home. For a split second, he thought that if he did not say the words aloud, then it would not be true, that it wouldn’t be real. As if reading Jensen’s mind and erasing any doubt about the intentions of the two men, Chuckles hand reached out and grabbed his ass and said, “How this happens is up to you, it can be easy or it can be hard, but either way it’s gonna happen.”

His mind had cleared some, but despite what was happening to him he felt the overwhelming desire to sleep, so he had to fight that as well. When he felt Chuckles hands move to slide under his shirt and tweak his nipples, he didn’t know what to do. If he moved forward, it was into the gravelly- voiced man and if he moved backwards, it was like an open invitation to Chuckles, either way he was screwed.

Jensen instinctively knew that if he went up the stairs with these two men it would not end well for him so he tried to escape. Turing his shoulder away from Chuckles, Jensen slipped between the space flanked by Chuckles body and the bannister. When he started running, it felt as though he was sprinting across the room towards the door to freedom. The reality was that he only took three sluggish steps before being tackled to the floor.

Not giving him a chance to sit up, the gravelly- voiced man was on top of him hip to chest, knocking the air out of his lungs. “You want it rough sweetheart?” He asked by grinding his hard cock into Jensen’s hip, “We can do rough.”

There was no denying it now, even though he still could not voice it aloud, Jensen was screaming it repeatedly in his head, “Rape! They are going to rape me!” Tears started rolling from eyes clenched shut in prayer that Jared, Chris or someone, anyone would miraculously walk through the door and save him from this nightmare. As soon as he felt the weight ease off him and his body being jerked from the floor and towards the stairs, Jensen knew that his prayer would not be answered.

As soon as he felt the stairs under his feet, he tried again to fight, but he was still at a disadvantage because the two men were stronger than he was and his limbs felt heavy and his senses were so cloudy that he could not focus. Jensen made a weak attempt to push the man in front of him away, but he was rewarded by getting knocked against the wall, and dislodging several pictures that hung there, the corner of one frame hitting him on his head.

His legs no longer able to bear his weight and started to give out when he looked up and saw a fist just before it made contact with the corner of his right eye and his nose causing them both to bleed. 

“Stop!” Chuckles yelled, “I want him conscious. I want to hear him moan as I fuck into him.” He had barley wiped away the blood before they were dragging him again.

“Yeah, yeah you’re right,” Gravel Voice agreed, “I want those sweet lips wrapped around me and he can’t do that if he’s out cold,” With that agreement, Jensen felt rather than saw Chuckles step over him and join his friend on the stair above him. They each grabbed one of his hands and began to drag him up the stairs dislodging one of his shoes as it caught on the back of the stairs and towards the bedroom, the bedroom he shared with Jared. As they got to the door, he managed to free one of his hands and tried to hold on to the door, but he was too weak to do so.

He tried to hold on because he shared this bed with his partner. This bed is where they made love and were trying to make a baby and these two bastards were going to defile every good memory where they made here. As his fingers slip and leave a bloody trail on the doorframe, he cried a little harder for the loss.

Once inside he fell on his back to the floor “C’mon on pretty boy, on your knees,” the gravelly- voiced man encouraged in a deceptively sweet voice as he forced Jensen to his knees in front of him. Thrusting his hand under Jensen’s chin, Gravel Voice tilted Jensen’s head up and declared, “It’s time to get to work.” 

Gravelly-Voice unzipped his pants, shoving them down to his ankles along with his boxers; he grabbed his cock and tapped the oozing head against Jensen’s lips signaling that he wanted him to open his mouth. 

“Just in case you think about bringing your teeth to the party, remember we brought our own party favors,” Chuckles said as he leaned down and placed a large knife to the kneeling man’s throat.

Jensen reluctantly opened his mouth and let it be filled. Gravelly-Voice didn’t just put his cock in his mouth; he used the free hand on the back of Jensen’s head to hold him in place while he began to thrust in until he was in the back of his throat giving the kneeling man no time to adjust to his breath being cut off. Each time he started to black out from lack of oxygen, the man pulled out a little and his large hand slapped his face to stop him from completely passing out.

As his mouth was being ruthlessly fucked, Jensen was so focused on trying to breathe that he barely noticed that Chuckles was using his knife to cut away his clothes until Jensen was completely naked. When he felt the knife trace his spine down to the cleft of his ass without breaking the skin, Jensen knew it wasn’t a threat, it was really just a reminder of the power the men held over him.

Chuckles noticed that the phone in Jensen’s front pocket fell to the floor and he stopped to pick it up and placed it on the nightstand next to the bed. He wanted to be aware if Jared called while he was fucking his boy. 

“Man you are as beautiful as we thought you would be,” Chuckles said in awe as he stared at the stunning body he had just exposed. “I can’t believe that you wasted this prime ass on that giant fucking puppy. By the time I’m finished, you will be walking funny for more than a week. I promise it will be the rest of your life, I want you to remember me!” 

Still choking on the cock in his mouth, Jensen feebly tried to shake his head and moaned in distress as to what was about to happen to him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it, but he still had to try. The only thing his moans accomplished was getting his attacker off and he came down his throat. 

He wanted to pass out, but he wasn’t allowed to, the men abusing him wanted him to feel every assault to his body. Each time he was about to slide into oblivion, he was slapped, hit, or punched. This was his punishment for not wanting or noticing either of these men. The sad thing was that now that he really needed to focus on them he couldn’t. 

Jensen kept chanting Jared’s name repeatedly in his mind to get through this, but when he felt Chuckles pubic hair rub against his ass with no prep or lube, the litany of Jared had been replaced with stop, please stop. The pain was unbearable and shot like fire throughout his body as some unknown man’s unprotected cock slid painfully in and out of his body.

His fuck-roughened voice kept mumbling a weak stopstopstopstop repeatedly to no avail. After several thrusts, the pain eased up, and it felt as though Chuckles applied lube, but what Jensen did not know was that the lube was his own blood.  
By the time the man emptied his seed into Jensen’s body, he was a bruised bloody mess and all he wanted to do was crawl into a corner and will himself to die from the pain and embarrassment because he came from the brutal attack. As if enough had not been taken from him tonight, Chuckles leaned over Jensen’s back and whispered, “Think he’s gonna want you now? Now that you bear our marks and who knows maybe even my baby.”

The last thing he heard before he passed out was the men telling him to rest because the night was just getting started.  


Jared Padalecki was pissed. Where the fuck was Jensen? He knew what time his plane was landing and that he was supposed to meet him. Jared was especially mad because he had called all day Saturday, the man in question did not answer, and eventually the calls just started going straight to voice mail. All he knew was that he had fucking had better be dead, because there was no excuse for this.

He had to call Chad for a ride home. Chad. He had been gone a week and his ride home was going nothing like he had thought it would. He knew the anger stemmed from the fact that it had been a week since he has seen his partner and he had missed him like hell and it seemed as though Jensen hadn’t felt the same.

On the ride home, he kept trying to call Jensen but it was still going straight to voicemail and by the time they were halfway home, he started to worry.

“When is the last time you talked to him Chad?” He asked his voice laced with concern “Was he at dinner on Friday?”

“Yeah,” He answered. “But I can’t tell you when he left; I left early because I took an extra shift at the hospital Saturday morning.”

The minute they turned onto their street Jared’s entire body stiffened in anticipation of seeing something amiss when they got to the house, but he was wrong everything looked normal. Chad pulled his large SUV into the driveway behind Jared’s which was parked next to Jensen’s car.

He looked up at the house and saw that the light was on in the room Jensen used as an office for his online business and realized that he had probably immersed himself in some project and was ignoring everything around him. His mood immediately switched from worry back to anger.

Jared hopped out of the vehicle and reached into the back seat to get his bag, and as he stood up, he noticed Chad getting out as well. 

“I thought you were going straight home.”

“Nah, Jensen got me out of a warm bed with a willing body to come and get your ass, bitch owes me coffee at least”  
Jared laughed until he reached the side entrance of the house. The door was open. It was open and he could see the carnage inside.

Chad who was standing beside him asked, “Do you think we should go in?”

“He could be hurt Chad.”

“Ok, just remember not to touch anything.”

“Jensen!” Jared yelled stepping over the mess in the room. When he got to the stairs and saw blood on the wall, he took the steps two at a time until he stood outside their bedroom door. The bloody smears on either side held him frozen there until he felt Chad catch up and slowly push the door open.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The room was wrecked, but the only thing he could focus on was in the middle of it all was Jensen, naked and tied spread eagled face down on their bed. He was a mess of blood bruises and semen and he wasn’t moving.

All of their friends used to laugh and give Chad grief about his abilities as doctor, especially his bedside manner but seeing him spring into action by jumping on the bed to check Jensen Jared knew he would never tease him about his medical training again.

The first thing Chad did was rush to Jensen and take his pulse to see if there was any need for medical attention.

“He’s alive Jare,” he said as he reached over and placed his keys on the nightstand and pulled open the drawer and began to search. “Scissors, I need scissors,” he shouted at Jared.  
The command seemed to snap Jared out of his immobility, as he raced across the room to find the scissors Chad requested. While Jared went in search of the scissors, Chad grabbed his cell from beside his keys and began to take pictures.

“What are you doing?” Jared questioned. 

“We are going to have to move him before the police get here and destroy evidence; this could help with the investigation, now where the fuck are the scissors?”

Once Jared found the scissors, he watched in horror as Chad turned back to Jensen and ran his hands over the prostrate man’s body. Jared didn’t know what he was feeling for, but when he ran his hands over Jensen’s sides, it caused the man to moan and that reaction seemed to satisfy Chad.

“Call 911 and then help me turn him over.” Chad ordered turning back to the man on the bed, “Now Jared!” he barked when he stood there staring at his lover.

When they turned him over, Jared could not believe what had been done to his beautiful partner. His face was utterly unrecognizable; with both eyes, swollen shut and his lips were twice their normal size. There were cuts on his forehead and his short hair was in spikes with his dried blood acting as gel. He could not tell if his nose was broken, but with each breath he drew, blood bubbled from the nostrils making it difficult for him to breathe. It was as though whoever did this was trying their best to destroy his beautiful face.

When the emergency crews arrived ten minutes later, with Chad giving directions, everything was thrown into organized chaos, every action had the eventual goal of making sure Jensen arrived to the hospital alive.

After careful maneuvering, Jensen was placed on a gurney, taken downstairs and was now resting in the back of the ambulance ready for transport. The police arrived once they were ready to go. Chad who was inside the ambulance barking orders to the paramedics stopped Jared as he tried to enter the vehicle. “Jared you can’t come with us, you’ll have to follow.”

“Chad…”

“Jared you’re gonna have to talk to them,” he advised cocking his head towards the police, “give them the information they need and by the time you arrive at the hospital hopefully you will be able to see him.”

With a look past Chad to Jensen lying prostrate unaware of what was going on around him, Jared blindly nodded his head in agreement.

“Take care of him for me,” Jared whispered and stepped back to allow the ambulance to leave.

“I will.” Chad assured him and closed the door.

Turning towards the house, Jared walked towards the two police officers wearing suits to answer any questions they had so that he could get to the hospital and to Jensen. He had watched enough reality shows to know that he was going to be a suspect, the spouse or significant others always were. He went inside the house and stripped down to his boxers and suffered the humiliation of letting the forensics team to take pictures of his body and swab his cheek and fingernails for DNA evidence.

Jensen and Jared had been together for two years when Jared fell off the roof and broke his arm putting up Christmas decorations. When they arrived at the hospital, they learned that Jensen could not make any medical decisions because they were not married but had a commitment ceremony nor did he have medical power of attorney. Lesson learned. The following week found them in an attorney’s office preparing for what might happen. Jared did not imagine that when they sat in that attorney’s office that what might happen would be someone breaking into their home and attacking the man he loved more than life.

When he arrived at the hospital and identified himself as Jensen’s partner, he was glad that Chad had made him wait behind or he would have forgotten to get a copy of that agreement and he was not sure he wanted to go back into the house just yet and face the bloodbath. 

The wait was unbearable, it seemed each time he asked he was told that the doctors were still working on Jensen, and it should not be much longer. When the nurse came out from behind the double doors and called Ackles, she was bearing a cup of bad coffee and news. Amy advised him that Jensen had a badly broken arm and may need to have a pin implanted in order for it to heal correctly and that he was on his way up to surgery.

Amy also gave Jared a breather from the detectives when she made them leave. He was not sure if they really thought that they would talk to Jensen tonight or if they thought he was going to suddenly confess to beating the hell out of the man he loved. The nurse gave him more paperwork authorizing the surgery and told him that he and his family members could wait on the third floor in the surgery waiting room. The doctors would come and get them when Jensen came out of surgery.

Jared had never felt more stupid when he confessed “It’s just …me”  
Looking at the tired man, she placed a hand on his shoulder and asked, “Is there anyone I can call for you?”

“No. No, I can do that thanks.”

He suddenly realized that he was focusing so much on Jensen and what was happening behind those doors he could not enter, that he forgot to call family and friends. As he made his way to the surgical waiting room, his mind warred as to whether or not Jensen would want his friends to know what happened to him, but… what if he did not make it. What if he died, Jared did not want to be alone if that happened. Was he being selfish right now when it wasn’t him in there struggling to stay alive?

Quickly before he could change his mind, he pulled out his phone, called Chris Kane, and asked him to make the other calls for him because he did not think he could do it without breaking down.

Less than ten minutes after he hung up, he felt a hand on his shoulder and a deep voice saying “Jared?” He looked up into the eyes of his older brother, Dr. Jeff Padalecki.

One look into his brothers eyes told him he knew. He knew what that monster had done to his partner.  
Jared stood up to let his brother envelop him into a hug and for the first time since he found Jensen, he cried like a baby.

Jeff pulled his baby brother into a small office that doctors used for consulting so that they could talk freely.

“Jay why didn’t you call me, or have me paged?”

“I just wasn’t thinking man; I just wanted to be with him, near him and let him know I’m here and I love him.”

“I understand, but I could have gotten the information for you, you realize you didn’t have to be alone.”

“I know,” Jared admitted.

“Listen Jared,” Jeff warned, “he’s got quite a fight ahead of him because whoever did this beat the hell out of him. He has a concussion, a broken arm, but we think he did that trying to get free of his restraints. They thought he was going to need surgery for that but the orthopedic surgeon said that it will heal nicely with just a cast.”  
Jeff paused before he continued to let that information sink in because there was more bad news to come. After a minute of quiet, Jeff continued softly. “He also has a broken nose, several lacerations to his head, but those are superficial.” Taking a deep breath, he continued, “His jaw has a small hairline fracture and will have to be wired for about six weeks.” 

Jeff stopped and took a deep breath before he continued. “He has three broken ribs and, Jared, he was… was raped. From the amount of damage, whoever did this used something other than…himself, so the surgery is for a temporary colostomy so that means no penetrative sex for at least three months.”

When Jared didn’t respond, Jeff asked, “Do you understand Jared, he could end up incontinent if you do not follow the doctors’ orders.”

“I understand Jeff. It’s not as if I am thinking about sex right now, what I just don’t understand is why this happened to him. Who would want to hurt my Jensen?”

“I understand that this is not an issue right now, but I don’t want it to be in a month or so Jared.”

Jared nodded and leaned back against the sofa and just stared. Everyone he knew loved Jensen, so he could not fathom how someone could do this to him. Why would anyone want to cause him this kind of pain and then leave him for dead? He remembers the two detectives walking him through his house to see if anything was missing, but he didn’t notice anything missing, nothing else had been touched. That meant their only goal was to hurt Jensen.  
Chad, Jared learned from his brother, was in surgery with Jensen, and he silently sent up a prayer of thanks that their best friend since childhood could help save him. 

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon when they should all be at home or out, enjoying the nice weather, one by one Jared and Jensen’s friends filed into the waiting room to wait with Jared. An hour after he called Chris, everyone that mattered was there. 

For the first time since he arrived home to that god-awful scene, Jared felt safe and reassured. With his and Jensen’s parents standing alongside him, he tried to tell them what happened, but each time he attempted to speak, his voice failed him. Using the same soft tone he had earlier, Jeff took over and explained what had happened.

He could tell when Jeff got to the really, really bad parts as opposed to just the bad parts because their mothers and sisters started crying, and then one by one their friends joined in. He wanted to reassure them that it would be ok, but he couldn’t. He knew what Jensen was going through, what he looked like so he just sat there still in a stupor.

He continued to sit dazed and unmoving as Jeff explained how Jensen had been attacked, and that it had been brutal. He deferred to Jared reticence to talk and Jensen’s privacy and didn’t go into specific detail, but stressed that both men were going to need all of their love and support to get through this, and right now Jared wanted their emotional support in the event that Jensen didn’t make through surgery.

When Jeff finished speaking someone behind him cleared their throat in a manner that was too loud for anything other than to get their attention.

Holding up his badge by way of introduction, Det. Mark Sheppard began to speak “Hey folks, I know that this isn’t the best of circumstances, but we really need any help you can give us for this investigation, because at this point we really don’t have a lot to go on.”

The slim woman standing beside him opted for a more formal introduction, “I’m his partner Det. Samantha Ferris, and we will be working on this case together, so if you guys can remember anything about that night, no matter how unimportant it seems, we need to know about it.”  
After Sheppard and Ferris finished speaking everyone began speaking at once until Sheppard whistled to bring quiet to the room.  
“Not at once people,” he corrected.  
“Ok, I know that it isn’t a little thing, but what about uncle creepy from Friday night?” Aldis asked.  
“Who is uncle creepy?” Sheppard and Ferris asked at the same time.  
“Jeffery Dean fucking Morgan!” Chris spat.  
“Yeah,” Jared snarked “each time we went to the police we were told there was nothing they could do until he crossed the line. Guess that’s why you’re here huh?”  
“Look I know you guys are angry at us for not preventing this,” Samantha began in a motherly tone.  
“No you look” Donna Ackles cut her off, “enough with the pseudo motherly tone, my son is fighting for his life, all I need from you is how you are going to get the man who did this or what we need to do to help, but do not patronize us.”  
Samantha had been on many cases where families were not so happy that their children were gay, but judging from the way that Sherri Padalecki came and stood beside Donna Ackles along with their friend Carrie Murray, this was not the case and she knew that she had better choose her next words carefully.  
She opened her mouth to apologize and trying to run something through her mind that did not sound condescending when there was a sudden interruption by a bleary-eyed Chad announcing, “Jensen is out of surgery.”

 

Running his hands through his hair, he gave a big sigh and explained, “He made it through surgery just fine but he still has a rough road ahead of him. Right now he is in the recovery room and should be in a private room within the hour.”

“Truthfully, is he going to be ok Chad?” Alan Ackles pleaded, speaking the first time since he and his family arrived at the hospital.

“He’s a fighter Mr. Ackles, so I’d put my money on Jensen.”

“When can I see him?” Jared asked.

“As soon as he’s settled into his room,” Chad answered giving him a little smile. “But he’s not in the ICU, so that’s a good thing and he can have more visitors.”

“When can we question him?” Samantha Ferris asked ignoring the death glares from both mothers.

“I’m not sure, but not tonight. He is heavily sedated and he probably will not wake until tomorrow,” He stated giving the detectives a glare of his own.

To Jared it seemed as though the hour he had to wait for Jensen to come from recovery was the longest of the day. It’s just the waiting to confirm for himself what Chad had told them was the truth, that he can see for himself that Jensen is ok. 

Everyone agreed to let Jared enter the room first because they know that as much as they loved Jensen it did not equal his. When he entered the room, he took in the deformed nose, the eyes that were swollen shut, the butterfly bandages and the cast on his arm and thought that he had never seen the man look more beautiful.

While he was taking inventory, he became aware of the shocked gasps from behind him as well as sobs and it made him thankful that he saw Jensen before the ambulance wheeled him away. Had he not seen the damages this morning he would be reeling from the shock as well?

In a show to let everyone know that everything is ok, he walked to the bed and stroked Jensen’s hair which was now free of blood and whispered “Sleep baby, you’re safe now.

A week later, the doctors felt that Jensen was well enough to be released. Going from the information from both Chad and Jeff, Jared thought he would have been released earlier, but it seemed as though Jensen made up reasons for the doctors to keep him there. Jensen was assured that this was not a hotel and had there not been problems, he would have not have been sent home.

As they pulled up in front of the house, it felt surreal to Jensen. Here he was back in a place where most of his greatest memories were made and now they had all been overshadowed by his worst.

The feeling of joy at being released from the hospital quickly disappeared and now the only feeling was the sheer terror of the event that was the reason for the stay.

Jensen knew that as soon as the police gave their permission, their friends and family made sure the house was clean so that he and Jared would not have to face the mess when they came home, but there were things that disinfectant cannot wash away no matter how hard you scrub.

Things like the smell of your own blood, your fear thinking that you were going to die. The sound of your heart beating so fast that you thought it was going to jump out of your chest, and the taunting laughter of two men doing their best to hurt you.

Chad noticed the shaking first, and silently made Jared aware. Jensen reluctantly walked into the house, but the moment the trio moved towards the stairs he started shaking so hard his legs could not hold his own weight.  
When Jensen looked at Jared, he saw that Jared could read the fear that accompanied the shaking the two men turned him around and headed back outside.

“My place?” Chad asked.

“For now,” Jared agreed.

The twenty-minute ride to Chads place was difficult, the entire ride Jensen was in an almost catatonic state rocking back and forth against the seatbelt saying I’m sorry repeatedly. At first, Jared and Chad tried to tell him that he had nothing to be sorry for, but then they both realized that he was not listening to them, that he was there. When the car pulled into Chad’s drive, the words had stopped and only the rocking continued.

Chad’s spare bedroom had been a crash site for them over the years when one or both of them had too much to drink, or they were just too tired to drive. Today it was a retreat for Jensen so that he didn’t have to face what happened to him in theirs.

Once he was in bed Chad was going to stick around while Jared made a run to the pharmacy to get prescriptions filled and pick up supplies. Once he opened the door, he knows that was not going to happen right now because Sheppard and Ferris were standing on the doorstep.

“Fuck!” slipped from his mouth. He did not mean to say it aloud but he did mean it.

“Nice to see you too honey,” Ferris greeted. Opening the door wider, he stepped aside and let the pair in. 

“We need to talk to Jensen, Jared.” Sheppard stated as he stepped inside, his tone brooking no room for argument.

“Since you followed us here you know that he’s here and you know that he’s not up to talking to you yet.”

“Ok, how about you Mr. Padalecki?” Ferris, the female detective asked, “Are you too delicate for our questioning?”

“Don’t you fucking dare mock him!” Jared spat at her.

“I’m not…”

Chad walked into the den and upon seeing, the two police officers decided that it was best that he should go get the prescriptions and the medical supplies Jensen needed.

“Just get this over with man,” he suggested as he walked out the door. At Chad’s parting words, Jared sat down and gestured for the detectives to do the same.

Taking a deep breath, Ferris jumped right in “Ok Jared, you were out of town when the attack took place, right”

“Yes,” he answered, “Look we went over this last week, why aren’t you harassing Morgan? I gave you everything you asked for including body fluids and…”

“He was arrested two days ago,” Sheppard interrupted.

“What? If you arrested his then why the fuck are you here putting me through this shit?”

“He confessed you know,” Ferris said nonchalantly, “Admitted to everything, but the thing is, even with him singing like a songbird, he can get a good lawyer and say we forced him to confess, so we still need to make our case Jared. We still need you and Jensen and all of your arrogant little friends to cooperate!”

Sheppard could see the anger rising in the young man seated across from him because Ferris tended to do that to people; she was always the bad cop. They needed more information in the event that Morgan unexpectedly did change his mind and Jared keeping things from them was not going to help.

“Jared, please forgive my partner, bitch is her default mode, but we need some things cleared up in the event he changes his mind.”

Looking at Ferris then down the hall to as though to make sure Jensen couldn’t hear them, Jared nodded his head and relented “Ok, how can I help?”

“Why were you out of town and please don’t lie and say business.” Ferris asked all pretense of niceness gone. 

Jared glanced from Ferris to Sheppard trying to decide whether he wanted to share something that was that private with these two. Something he had not even told Jensen. 

Jensen, Chad and Jared’s mothers had been friends since high school and though it would be cute if their boys shared a similar bond. The three women had all moved from their home state and all came back when they married hometown boys. The three of them were five years old when they first met and Jared fell in love at first sight. Chad had always teased him and said because Jensen was so pretty that Jared thought he was a girl. Even though Chad teased him and gave him the hated nickname of Princess, he was always there to help him protect Jensen who was always smaller than they were.

When they turned sixteen Jared was able to understand these feelings and was not sure if they were returned and he was not going to risk ruining a friendship if the feelings were not returned. Two days after his sixteenth birthday, Jensen learned he was a Carrier and Jared was elated, he could possibly have Jensen and children with Jensen, but then the news reports started. It seemed as though every week for the next two years there was a Carrier who died in childbirth or from complications of pregnancy. Scientists had only been aware of male pregnancy only for a couple decades before the boys were born, so not everything was known about it. When the rash of deaths occurred, Jared’s view changed drastically. He and Jensen could adopt or do surrogacy, but he was not willing to risk Jensen’s life.

When the three boys graduated from college, it became clear that Jensen returned Jared’s feelings and the relationship progressed from there. In an attempt to protect Jensen, Jared had had a vasectomy and did not feel the need to tell his lover. This past year however, the past caught up with him. Jensen wanted a child. Jared’s child. Unable to tell Jensen what he had done, he had his brother arrange a reversal of the procedure and had it done under the guise of a business trip so Jensen wouldn’t know.

Jared explained this to the detectives with a heavy heart because he knew this would kill Jensen and possibly cause irreparable harm to their partnership as well as their friendship.

As Jared explained this to the officers, he actually felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, it had felt good to tell someone this, but as usual. Ferris had to burst his bubble.

“So Jensen does not know about this?”

“No.”

“You know this can be used against you right? Any attorney fresh out of law school can argue that you did this to have 

Jensen turn to you for comfort and would easily forgive you for your deception.”

Jared looked at her as though she had grown a third eye. Used against him? He would cut off his right arm before he hurt Jensen.

“Why didn’t he put up a fight?” Ferris asked the question so softly that he almost didn’t hear it.

“Sorry?”

“Why didn’t he put up a fight? “ She asked again. “The crime scene photos show that the room was in shambles, but when we took pictures of Morgan, that there was no sign that he had been involved in something violent. There were no scratches or bruises…nothing.”

That revelation was just registering with him when Sheppard piped in “All of your friends agreed that you were coming home on Saturday, but in reality you weren’t due until Sunday. Morgan’s defense can also make the argument that Jensen knew about the vasectomy and picked up someone else to get even with you. With Morgan always around, he would have been an easy choice for the discretion.”

Jared didn’t understand, what did she mean he did not put up a fight? Jensen did not, couldn’t know about the surgery. The Jensen he knows would have put up a fight.

“What makes you think he didn’t put up a fight?” Jared asked. 

“In addition to the pictures of the lack of bruising or marks on Morgan, the photos we took of Jensen in the hospital show no defensive wounds. No skin under the nails or broken nails and nor were there were bruised knuckles, he just… submitted.”

Looking at the confusion on Jared’s face the detectives stood to leave, they had accomplished what they came for.  
As they opened the door Jared ground out “I don’t believe you, the Jensen I know would put up a fight.”

“Like the Jared he knows would tell him he had a vasectomy,” Ferris returned as she walked out the door.

Once the pair was gone, Jared quietly walked down the hall where Jensen slept fitfully. There was not a place on his body that probably did not hurt, and as his shirt rucked up, he could see the colostomy appliance and the mass of bruises that colored that same body, and he whispered, “Why didn’t you fight back?”

 

Mark Sheppard sat at his desk staring at his partner who was sitting at her desk. He knew she knew that he was staring at her but said nothing, because she also knew that he would speak when he was ready. He took his time because he needed to choose his words carefully since once the Ackles case was over, she would still be his partner and he would still have to work with her. 

The problem was in the year they had been partners she had not acted like one. She hadn’t shared her theories until she had placed them both in awkward positions. He did not know shit about her private life, except that she did not have kids, that she was not committed to anyone, and nor did he know if she preferred men or women. Nothing. The only thing he was sure of was that she was a bitch, hell that was the only thing on which they could agree.

He knew that the job could harden you, and for a woman, it could be even harder, but Samantha? She had no emotions, and did not possess one ounce of sympathy.

“Why did you do that?” he asks as though they had been in conversation.

“Do what Sheppard?” She asked not even bothering to look up.

“Why did you try to cause a rift between Ackles and Padalecki?”

Now it was her turn to stare. “With all of the paperwork we have here are you really gonna bust my balls about something that happened three days ago that I really don’t remember? Really?”

“Yeah, really.” He mocked, the cockney accent that he had worked yeas to get rid of (even though Yanks couldn’t tell the difference) started coming through because he was so angry that he couldn’t focus enough to enunciate his words. If she did not stop sitting there pretending not to know or even care about what she did, then rhyming slang was going to make an appearance soon.

“Because Padalecki was being an arrogant prick, that’s why. By all accounts Ackles is as good as they come, loyal and loving, but Padawhatever makes a huge decision like that and doesn’t tell the man he supposedly loves?”

Sheppard just stared at her in disbelief; he couldn’t believe this emotional outburst was coming from his supposedly heartless partner.

“You and I both know that we can put in all the hard work we want, but hiding something that huge can cast reasonable fucking doubt and Morgan walks free.”

“Yeah, I know that and so do you, but our job is to help them. We know Jensen got a raw deal as far as Morgan being a stalker was concerned, but this is our chance to make up for it, to make it right.”

“You have two kids right?” She asked her partner. “When you and the Mrs. decided to have them, you did the deed and nine months later you were blessed with a bouncing baby whatever. Well, what if the reversal hadn’t work? What if he allowed you to keep trying and …and nothing. Months of failing pregnancy tests but you were made to feel as though it was your fault that you couldn’t give him a child.”

 

Realizing what she had revealed, she stopped, but the look of horror on her face made Sheppard realize she was no longer talking about Ackles.

“So this was your way of getting even for Jensen? Then why didn’t you tell Jared about the second suspect? That Jensen had been drugged?”

“Because someone close to them knows something, knows what happened. I cannot figure out who it is yet and keeping Padaleski in the dark will play to our advantage.”

“Okay, I understand that, but you might wanna get his name right and try to play nice, because like you, I don’t think it would take much to piss him off.”  


Jensen moaned as he made his way down the hall to sit on the sofa in the den. Usually he has either Jared or Chad to help him with what he needed, but this was the first time since the attack that he had tried to move on his own accord. The frustrating thing about this was that once he was beside said sofa, he realized that he had forgotten the doughnut pillow he was supposed to sit on to keep his ass from hurting, but he didn’t have the energy to walk back down the hall again. So he did what any rational adult would do, he cried.

If he thought about it, the tears were not for the doughnut, but his inability to retrieve it. He was crying because it will be weeks before he could open his mouth and from what he understood, even longer before he could chew pain free again. His attackers literally tried to rip him a new one, and now he had to shit in a bag, but he couldn’t even take care of that because of his broken arm.

That was how Chad discovered him a few minutes later and his embarrassment grew even more. Without so much as a hello, Chad walked to the bedroom, retrieved the cushion, placed it on the couch, and motioned for Jensen to sit down. He then grabbed a garbage bag and pushed Jensen’s shirt up so that he had access to the colostomy bag and changed without exchanging a word with Jensen. After he disposed of the bag he came back in and sat next to Jensen on the sofa, but Jensen could not look Chad in the eye.

“I’m a fucking doctor,” Chad growled at him, “and you are my friend, there is no need to be embarrassed Jen.”

Holding his head down Jensen mumbled, “I know, it’s just too much to ask of someone especially… never mind.”

Jared walked into the room startling both men, “I didn’t know you were here man, Jen needed you to help him.”

Walking towards the kitchen Jared replied, “I’m sure he would call if he needed help.”

“Jared!” Chad snapped.

“It’s alright Chad,” Jensen whispered, “I could have I suppose.”

Chad looked at both men as though they were crazy, because there was no way that Jensen could have called out to Jared. Even if his jaw was functional, the pain alone would have prevented him from calling out. He was going to say as much to Jared but the pleading look in Jensen’s eyes stopped him.

The twenty-foot trip from the bedroom to the sofa wore Jensen out so much that both men had to help him back to bed. Once Chad left, Jared looked down at his lovers sleeping form wishing him to heal immediately. After talking to detective Ferris, he had some questions he desperately needed to ask Jensen and it did not seem fair to ask him when he was neither physically or mentally able to handle them.

Jensen woke later to his phone alerting him that he had a new text. Gently rolling towards the bedside table, he grabbed it, pulled the message up and frowned because did not recognize the number. After reading the message, how was Jared’s trip? Jensen thought that one of their friends may have changed their telephone number and not told him. He was so not in the mood to discuss Jared’s vacation, so Jensen closed the text and went back to sleep.

Jared had not planned to stay at Chad’s place more than one night, two at the most yet here they were three weeks later still in Chad’s guest room. He could understand why Jensen did not want to go back to their home that night, but they had to go back sometime, they could not intrude on Chad’s privacy this way.

They needed to deal with what happened to Jensen and as much as Jared loved Chad, he did not need to be a part of the equation. It was imperative that they do this together. Since Chad and their parents were hovering over Jensen and taking care of his every need, Jared, along with Chris, Mike, Steve and Aldis cleaned up the mess once the police released the crime scene.

He did not want Jensen to come back to their violated home so with the help of their friends and a local handy man, he redecorated everything so that when Jensen came back home, it would be like a new space, a new beginning. After seeing the carnage in the bedroom, it was hard for Jared to enter the room, consequently he could imagine how Jensen felt, so he took the room he used for his office downstairs and converted it into a master suite and Jensen could go back upstairs when he was ready.

When the new mattress arrived at the end of the week, Jared decided it was time. When Chad had gone to the hospital Jared suggested going home, but upon seeing the terror in Jensen’s eyes, he could see the man’s inner turmoil, not wanting to go, but in the end, he dully whispered “Okay.”

 

Once they got to the house Jensen hesitated before entering, remembering the last time he was there. As he reached for the doorknob, he remembered another time when the door had not been locked and he entered and his body began to shake at the memory. 

Before he could totally give in to the memory, he felt Jared’s body flush against his, warm and comforting, murmuring in Jensen’s ear low and soothing, “It’s okay baby, it’s okay.” 

The two men stood there until the tremors stopped. Once Jensen stopped shaking, Jared reached around and removed his hand that was still attached to the doorknob, turned the key and opened the door. Jensen sucked in a deep breath, entered, and almost cried at what he found. 

Jared had changed …everything. Gone was that lumpy sofa that Jared loved. Instead and had been replaced by a leather sofa that looked buttery soft and was flanked by vintage tables. The table and chairs had been replaced by a vintage set that Jensen had been eying forever in the local resale shop. The walls had gone from a boring tan to a chocolate brown with white trim. A quick glance towards the stairs showed the pictures had all been reframed and hung. Everything looked, smelled, fresh and new and the love Jensen felt for Jared at that moment was trying to fight its way out of his body and physically manifest itself.

“Tired?” Jared asked.

Shaking his head, Jensen answered “No,” he really was but he was going to put off going upstairs as long as he possibly could.

“I changed it as well Jensen,” Jared responded as though reading his lovers mind.

“I don’t think…” Jensen started before Jared grabbed his arm and led him down the hallway to his old office.

Jensen would have launched himself into Jared’s arms but for the fact that the action would cause every part of his body to hurt. What Jared presented him with was amazing; it was a new bedroom decorated in shades of blue and white. Because the room was larger than the one upstairs, it was able to hold the huge bed that they had both been coveting for the past two years. It was a retreat that was peaceful and more importantly, terror free.

Jensen made his way to the large bed, eased down onto it and began to undress himself. Jared, seeing that Jensen was struggling, walked over, kneeled down in front of Jensen, and helped him undress. They first removed his socks and shoes, but when Jared stood up and reached down to unbutton Jensen’s shirt. Jensen looked up and the sight of Jared standing over him transported him to another time to another room, to another man. Suddenly he was back there, a big man holding his head calling him sweetheart as he violated his mouth and battered his body.

 _Jensen was on his hands and knees struggling to breathe around his attackers cock while being assaulted from behind. He was screaming nonononono, begging for them to stop, but no one could hear his muffled cries and the men attacking him just laughed. When they finally finished Jensen scrambled to the corner of the bedroom and began to rock back and forth. He was so locked into his nightmare that he did not feel Jared’s hands carding through his spiked hair in an attempt to soothe him as he rocked back and forth against the headboard repeating the litany of no’s._  
  
Jensen must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew he waking up and it was still light outside. He felt horrible about freaking out on Jared who had gone through all of the trouble to make coming home a pleasant thing, but 

Jared standing over him triggered a flashback to the attack. He looked op and suddenly he was back on his knees struggling to breathe. How long that would last, this reliving the single worst moment of his life. Jensen was broken out of his reverie by the sound of his phone alerting him that he had received a new text interrupted his reverie. 

Reaching to the bedside table, he flipped open the phone to read the message. It was the same unknown number as before.  
Has Jared confessed yet? Did he tell you what his business was about when he went out of town?

Still groggy from sleep, Jensen tried to focus on what this person was trying to say. Who was this, and why did they keep texting him about Jared’s trip? In the back of his mind, he knew that this was important, but he wasn’t sure why. Closing his phone, Jensen made his way to the den to apologize to Jared.

“Thanks for calling man, but he’s still sleeping Chad,” He heard Jared telling their friend “I don’t know, he was getting undressed and just freaked and I don’t know why.”

Jensen must have made a sound to alert Jared that he was in the room because he looked up as soon as he entered and ended the call. “I’ll have him call you when he’s up to it.”

“You okay, Jensen?” Jared asked, his concern making Jensen feel even guiltier. 

“M’fine,” he muttered his face red from embarrassment, “God Jay, I’m not sure what happened… I just, don’t. I am so fucking sorry”

Jared carefully made his way to where Jensen was standing and attempted to reach out to his partner, but when Jensen’s entire body flinched before he could make contact, he dropped his hand. 

Jensen felt tears well in his eyes at his actions, he so wanted Jared to hold him close and comfort him, but he didn’t know what was going on inside his head. Just like this afternoon, Jared wasn’t trying to initiate sex, Jensen knew that, but suddenly he seemed so huge and menacing and the thought of how those huge hands could bring pain instead pleasure was forefront in his thoughts. 

“Um, was that Chad?” Jensen asked in an effort to make things normal, but the look of hurt on Jared’s face told him that he had failed.

For a moment, Jared looked as though he wanted to ignore Jensen’s change of subject, but instead he answered, “Yeah, he just wanted to make sure you were alright. He wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t think you were up to it.”

Trying to ease the awkwardness, Jensen nodded in agreement and announced, “I’m starving how about you?” 

“Yeah, I picked up a hamburger while you were asleep and was just sitting down to eat. What flavor protein shake do you want today.” 

Making a face he joked; let’s go for the strawberry this afternoon, I haven’t had that since this morning.”  
Jensen drank his ‘lunch’ while he salaciously watched as Jared ate his hamburger, “When I can eat again, that will be my first meal.”

Jared looked at him and grinned, “Awww I’m hurt, and somehow I thought that I would be the first thing you ate.”  
Jensen laughed in response as much as his wired jaw would allow, but had Jared looked close enough he would notice that it didn’t reach his eyes.

 

Samantha Ferris turned to her partner as the car came to a stop in front of the victim’s home. “Look Sheppard, I know that you don’t like the way I’m handling this, but I have a reason for keeping things from Palecki.”

“What about Ackles?” Sheppard asked. “Apparently he can’t yet remember what happened, why can’t he know? Why keep him in the dark?”

“Look all of their friends knew about Morgan, he was no surprise, but this second guy? He’s a mystery to us and Morgan won’t talk. I believe it’s one of their friends, and I want to be able to observe them all just a little longer before I spring this on them.”

Thinking it over, Sheppard looked at her and said, “Okay, I’ll play along, but just so you know had you said because you’re the lead detective, I would have told them as soon as he opened the door.”

Ferris knew that Sheppard thought that she was a hard ass, okay, knew she was a hard ass, but she wouldn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t. She treated life as harshly as it treated her, and besides, she was more experienced on this job than her partner who had only been on the force for ten years to her twenty. Ferris also knew that because she stood back and observed while he soothed and petted and tried to become their fucking BFF, she learned more about people than Sheppard ever could.

She saw things like the love Jared and Jensen had for each other and how guilty the giant felt for leaving his partner alone. Her problem with him was what she had found out about him, that maybe he wasn’t as honest as he pretended to be, but only time would tell on that. It would probably help them work better as a team if she shared more of her thoughts and feelings with the man who sometimes was the only thing between her and death, but she just couldn’t be bothered, so instead she just grunted at Sheppard and rang the doorbell.

Ferris couldn’t read Padalecki’s face when he opened the door, but the body language told her that he was unhappy about something. 

“Mr. Padalecki,” she greeted with a false smile. Turning towards Sheppard, she asked, “You remember my partner, Mark Sheppard.”

“It’s Jared,” he countered reaching out to shake the hand offered by both detectives. “Please come in.”

As they entered both officers could detect the faint smell of fresh paint, and when they entered the den area where the attack had begun, well, it didn’t take a trained police officer to notice the changes. The entire room had been redecorated and so had the wall leading up the stairs. Samantha was sure that if she requested to see it, the bedroom probably had been changed as well.

The other noticeable thing was the interaction between Padalecki, Ackles and the good Dr. Murray. Murray was standing beside Ackles as though guarding the man, and instead of taking the spot on the new sofa beside his partner, Padalecki sat in the oversized chair across the room. Interesting.

Jared must have noticed the police officers looking at the changes in the room because he said in defiance, “I was told that the scene had been released, so I changed everything. I wanted Jensen to come to his home, not a crime scene.”  
Walking over to the sofa where Jensen sat, Samantha shouldered Dr. Murray out of the way, and sat down next to him and said sweetly, “Oh, I didn’t mean to infer that you did anything wrong, I was just admiring the work. It’s beautiful.”  
Still smiling, she turned towards Jensen and lied, “How are you feeling Jensen, you’re looking well.”

In the course of their investigation, she had been shown pictures of Jensen before the attack, and he was gorgeous, confident and carefree, and could understand Morgan’s fascination with him. However, the man sitting beside her today was a mess. The bruises were starting to fade, and the majority of the swelling had gone down, but he still looked as though he had gone a couple of rounds with Manny Pacquiao.

“M’fine,” Jensen mumbled through his wired teeth.

She could tell that this was not going to be easy, sending a look to Sheppard, she began her questioning. “Jensen, can you tell me what you remember about that night?”

Taking a deep breath, Jensen hesitated before he responded, “Not a lot really. I remember being in the restaurant and I remember feeling at ease when Jeff left.”

“Why is that?” Sheppard asked from across the room.

“Usually he stays until we, that is Jared and I, leave. I was expecting trouble because Jared was not there with me, but he did nothing. He didn’t speak to me, or make repeated trips to the restroom or accidentally touch me. He spent the night texting someone.”

“So on a normal night he tries to make contact with you?” She asked

“It had gotten so bad that we started going to a different restaurant, but he just followed us there,” Jared answered. “Since we always sit at the same table, we try to make sure that Jensen does not sit near the aisle so that there is no “accidental” interaction.”

“It’s like the fucker had this planned,” Chad alleged. “But then he has had years to do that since you guys wouldn’t do anything about him. Is it because they’re two men? Is it because they are gay?”  
Samantha pursed her lips and literally bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying the first thing that entered her mind. Instead, she glanced at Sheppard, whose nod let her know he was going to go along with whatever she said next whether he agreed or not.

“Mr. Murray.”

“Dr. Murray,” Chad corrected.

“Dr. Murray,” she corrected herself as though he had not interrupted her, “the law comes first with us. It does not matter race, creed or sexual orientation she quoted. I am sorry that Jensen was not taken seriously, but let me do my fucking job, and we can get through this.” 

Mark Sheppard thought that this would be the time for him to step in, not caring whether Ferris was lead or not. If he let her continue, they were going to be kicked out with nothing to go on.

“Dr. Murray,” he started, “we know that you only want to protect your friend, but being hostile with us is not the answer. Yeah, the police screwed up by not taking Morgan’s threats seriously, but let up and let us put him away.”  
When Chad looked as though he was going to protest, Sheppard asked softly, “Please?”

Chad looked at the detective and sat at the other end of the sofa, watched as Ferris turned to Jensen, and asked, “I know that you have been over this before, but go through that evening for me again.”

Taking a deep breath, Jensen began, “There really was nothing different about the day, and we all met at the Bistro and were having a good time. I was in my usual spot with my back against the wall where I could see everything.”

“Nothing was out of place at all?” She asked. When he answered no, she continued, “What about someone new joining you?” 

“No, Aldis is the newest member of our group, but he has been coming to dinner with us for the past six months.”

“Did any one leave early? Sheppard asked.

“Actually Morgan did,” Jensen remembered. “He had been texting someone all night and then he left.”

“What about someone in your party?”

“Chad did because he was called in for an early shift, then Jake, Misha and I, we all left at the same time.”

“Dr. Murray,” Ferris stressed his title, “Who can verify that you were at the hospital?” 

“You can contact my attending,” Chad answered and gave her the attending supervisors name and number.

“Jensen,” Ferris asked, “You said you, Misha and Jake left earlier, why?”

“I was tired,” he responded then blushed as he continued; “I thought that the tiredness might be one of the first signs of pregnancy.”

“Any…” Ferris started, but was interrupted by Jensen

“Oh God, I wasn’t pregnant was I?” Turning to Jared and Chad panic showing in his eyes, Jensen asked, “I didn’t miscarry did I?”

“No, you weren’t pregnant, Jensen,” Jared rushed to assure him, not daring to look at the others in the room because they knew there was no way that Jensen could have possibly have been pregnant.

Biting her tongue Samantha figured that it was best that she leave now. Nothing would have pleased her more than to call Padawhatthefuck out on his shit, but the only person here that would get hurt would be the person who was already hurt and that she wouldn’t do.

“Here’s the problem Jensen, she began, everyone there has the same story, so we pretty much know what happened at the restaurant, but we need to know what happened when you got home.” She paused because she knew that thinking about that night was going to cause the man stress, but they had to know what happened in case Morgan recanted.

Inhaling a deep breath, Jensen replied, “I really can’t remember past that. Every now and then I get flashes of things, but not enough to tell you anything.”

Standing up, Ferris turned and gave the three of them her spiel. “You guys have my card; please we really want to help so call if you have anything. You never know the things you don’t think to be important can break a case wide open.”  
Chad followed the two detectives outside while Jared calmed Jensen, “You know he had a concussion and head injuries can impede his memory, right?”

“Yeah, we know that, but we also know that any little thing can trigger it as well.” Sheppard replied. “Just call us if he remembers anything.” Then he turned and walked to their car.

As the two of them watched Dr. Murray walk back inside to his friends, Sheppard said, “That little bastard knows something and I’m going to find out what it is if it kills me.”

 

 

Jared was having trouble sleeping because the idea of telling Jensen both that he had gotten a vasectomy and that he had it reversed without his partners’ knowledge was eating away at him. It had been two months since Jensen’s … attack and he had had plenty of time and chances to tell him, but he didn’t want to add to his stress. Even though he had the procedure to protect Jensen, the other man still should have had a say in the decision.

In addition to dealing with the guilt of not telling Jensen, he was also dealing with the new, closer relationship between Jensen and Chad. Jared was not sure what was going on between the two men, but Jared couldn’t get near Jensen while Chad, or Dr. Murray, as Jensen was often reminding him, could get as close as he wanted. He lets Chad change Jensen’s bandages, and even that god dammed colostomy bag. Okay that part he could get over, but Chad also got to comfort and soothe and frankly, Jared was pissed. 

“Nooo! Stop please stop!” Jensen yelled in his sleep.

Jared looked at Jensen as he thrashed in his sleep. He wanted to wake him and offer comfort, to let him know that he was all right, but once Jensen woke from that nightmare and realized that Jared was touching him, he would freeze up as though Jared’s touch was distasteful to him. As he listened, he wondered why Jensen didn’t put up a fight like this that night, why had he just given in so easily.

No matter how distasteful Jensen found his touch or how much he thought about Jensen’s lack of fight that night, it damned near killed him to hear him relive that nightmare each night. Jared moved so that he kneeled beside the bed near Jensen’s face. He gently carded his hand through Jensen’s hair in an attempt to wake him without startling him.

“Baby, wake up.” Jared encouraged, but Jensen was caught in the grasp of the nightmare, and twisted away from his partner and continued to beg and plead for the torture to stop. When he touched Jensen again, he woke up and scrambled up the bed until his back was flush with the headboard. That action along with the wild unfocused eyes darting around the room reminded Jared of a trapped animal looking for an escape.

“Jen, baby it’s ok, it’s me Jared. No one is going to hurt you. You’re safe.” Jared said in a soft and calm voice trying not to frighten him any more than he was already. 

Jared repeated those words until Jensen fixated his eyes on him and slowly emerged from the nightmare. Once he realized where he was, Jensen immediately recoiled from the hand Jared had on his arm. As much as he disliked the idea of this new closeness between Chad and Jensen, on nights like this, he would kill for the other man’s presence to take that look of terror from Jensen’s eyes.

Despite the jealousness he had been feeling towards Chad, Jared knew that the other man loved Jensen like a brother and would do anything to help his friend. He just wished Jensen would let him be there for more than the night terrors.  
The three of them had always been close, but since that night, Chad and Jensen were always together. Today Jensen had two doctors’ appointments, one to remove the wire from his teeth and then he would go to the hospital to have the colostomy reversed and he had arranged for Chad to be there.

The day actually went well, Jensen was now in a room for overnight observation, and if everything continued to go as well as the doctors expected, then Jensen could go home tomorrow. Still under the effects of the anesthesia, Jared was once again watching Jensen sleep. He took in the fact that even though Jensen has lost weight because of the liquid diet, he was still a large man, but he couldn’t wait to get him back to a healthy weight.

Jensen stood well over six feet and is very muscular, so how was a man so much older than him able to subdue him and do this much damage without Jensen fighting back. He could understand being scared, but to not even try… just disappointed him. It seemed as though now every little shadow, every little noise now made Jensen jump. Had Jensen always been this weak, this pathetic and he had been too in love to notice? Is that why he was now eating up Chad’s attention like, well a girl?

  
Jensen was awake, but he didn’t make Jared aware of it just yet. All their lives Jared and Chad had teased his about how pretty he was and how he had girl features, mainly his eyelashes. He had always complained to his mom and asked when he would look more like a boy like his friends. However, today he was glad he had these girlie features, because they allowed him to feign sleep while he observed Jared.

Jared sat in the chair across the room, which was a far cry from when he first entered the hospital, because then he couldn’t get close enough. He didn’t want Jared to see him naked and he really couldn’t stand the thought of being touched right now, but that really wasn’t a problem because he could see the disgust in Jared’s eyes when he looked at him. Chad told him he was seeing things that weren’t there, but here in this room where it was just the two of them Jensen knew he that was right.

Because Jared thought that Jensen was asleep, he had no reason to school his features, to hide what he felt, and according to his face, all he felt was disgust. 

The hardest thing was trying to figure out if the disgust was directed towards his damaged body or how the damage had been inflicted. Did Jared think he was damaged goods now and he no longer wanted him? The thought of that hurt Jensen, because he wanted to tell Jared how much he loved him, how he was terrified to go to sleep at night because the monsters were there hurting him every night. 

Jensen wanted so much to touch Jared, to be touched by Jared, but the thought of both actions terrified him and he didn’t know how to get past this. The most important thing he wanted was to have Jared look at him with love again.  
He was prepared to continue pretending to be asleep, but when he moved pain radiated from the surgery site , making him moan and he saw Jared immediately school his features.

“How’re you feeling Jensen?” Jared inquired, “Are you hurting? The doctor said the surgery went well, but you sound as though you’re in pain. Do you need the nurse?”

“’M’good Jared,” Jensen lied, but when he tried to move to find a more comfortable position, his body told the truth.

“Just mad ‘cause I didn’t get to have my cheeseburger now that I can open my mouth,” he complained while opening and closing his mouth.

“You must not be feeling too badly if you’re talking about food,” Jared chuckled awkwardly.  
Both men were silent as each of them searched for something to say. Jensen wondered how they got there because he remembered the time when he wanted to tell Jared everything. The discomfort was interrupted when Chad entered carrying coffee for him and Jared.

“Jen, you’re awake!” Chad exclaimed as he handed Jared his cup of coffee.

“Where’s mine?” Jensen asked as he stared longingly at the cup the blond held in his hand.

 _“Dr. Murray,”_ Jared began sarcastically, “can your patient have coffee?”

Jensen couldn’t decide if Chad registered the sarcasm or if he chose to ignore it, but either way the moment passed when the door opened and their families poured into the room.

Jensen had to admit even though he had asked his family not to come he was glad they ignored his request. It had been a while since he had last seen them; and it was comforting to have them there, because there was nothing like having his mom around when things were bad either emotionally or physically. Their presence also eased the awkwardness between him and Jared and gave them both a rest from trying so hard, at what used to be so natural between them.

“When are they gonna let you go home sweetie?” Donna asked her youngest son.

“Hopefully tomorrow?” Jensen questioned looking across the room towards Jared for assurance. He hoped there hadn’t been some complication while he was still under the effects of the anesthesia.

“If there are no complications, the doctor said he can go home tomorrow,” Jared reassured.

“May I… we,” she amended pointing at their families, “Come by then?” Donna asked cautiously as if bracing herself for the rejection.

“Yeah mom, that would be great,” he smiled at her.



The next day when members of both their families and all of their friends had arrived, Jensen thought he should have rethought his answer. At the time, his only thought was not having to be alone with Jared when things were still so difficult between them.

The thing about family and friends, was it that when you give them an inch, you don’t complain when they take a mile. What was supposed to be just people dropping by turned into a full-fledged cook out cum lunch and dinner. Some of the women had baked, or in Danneel’s case, went to the bakery, and the men made sure they didn’t run out of beer.

Jensen looked up when he heard Jared laugh. It was genuine and real and one he had not heard in a long time and Jensen was sure the beer in his hand had something to do with Jared’s newfound light heartedness, but the sound still brought one in answer to his lips. With that one sound, even with the pains he was in, Jensen’s day suddenly became happier and more relaxed.

Jared became so relaxed that he was more attentive to Jensen, and Jensen had to admit it was nice when it was Jared and not Chad who made sure he took his meds and checked to make sure that Jensen was not sneaking and eating foods that he shouldn’t. The beer was good for Jared.

That evening when everyone had left and it was just the two of them he changed his mind, because a drunken Jared was a handsy Jared. As soon as the door closed behind the last guest, and they entered their bedroom, Jared was all over Jensen. He tried not to panic, but suddenly it was as though his skin was too tight and the temperature in the room seemed to rise by the second.

“Stop Jared, please!” Jensen implored. Oh, god he was not ready for this. He could tell that his pleas were falling on deaf ears so he pushed at Jared’s chest. With each touch, each kiss Jensen flashed back to another time, another man and he began to fight.

Jared easily maneuvered Jensen and pressed him down on the bed, “Stop fightin’ me Jen. You didn’t fight Morgan why you fightin’ me?” Jared murmured.

“The doctor said we can’t Jay, not for another month,” Jensen reminded him; with a voice so shaky, he didn’t know how Jared understood him.

“Wanna suck you Jen, let me please,” he begged and just like that night, Jensen lay back and felt another piece of his soul die and wash away with each tear he shed.

Jensen really didn’t think that things could get any worse, but two days later he started throwing up, and a memory of putting off taking a pregnancy test flashed in his mind. He was not too tired today, but this time there was no joy at the prospect of doing this. Ten minutes later he had his answer, he was pregnant and he was not sure who the father was.

 

Jensen kept the news to himself for a week. He knew he was going to have to tell Jared, but he was scared. Things were already bad between them, and if this baby was not Jared’s then this pregnancy could tear them apart, and as bad as things were, he did not want to lose his partner.

He needed to talk to someone, but this was not a time to confide in Chad, because telling Chad was the same as telling Jared. Jensen wanted to discuss all of his options, but he needed a straight shooter, not someone who was going to make him feel guilty. He needed to understand that whatever he decided, it was going to be easy for him. He could talk to his mom he supposed, but he knew his dad would know the minute lunch was over and he couldn’t deal with the disappointment his father would try to hide, but Chris, Chris he could tell anything. 

They met at a little Bistro that Jensen swore served the best coffee that anyone has ever brewed, and Chris indulged him because he knew Jensen has gone without while his jaw was wired shut. They had just gotten past pleasantries when Jensen’s phone alerted him to a new text.

 _Stop ignoring this Jensen_ , the text read, _has Jared told you about his trip yet? Jared’s business trip that was more personal than business. Ask him._  
  
Chris is easily frustrated at the best of times, but when Chris saw Jensen kept staring at the phone, he grabbed it and asked, “What the hell are you reading?” 

A frown marred Chris’ face when he read the text, “who sent this?”

“I don’t know. They started coming when I got out of the hospital and I really haven’t had time to think about it.”

“What did Jared or better yet those two detectives say about them?” Chris probed.

“I… I haven’t told them yet,” Jensen admitted.

“The fuck’s wrong with you boy? You and both know this can’t be a coincidence.” Chris admonished.

“But Jeff is in jail,” Jensen defended weakly.

“Call ‘em Jensen.” 

While Chris sat there and watched him as he dialed the phone, Jensen called and left messages with both (Chris insisted) Ferris and Sheppard. He still had to tell Chris about the pregnancy, so he really was glad he got their answering machines.

“Okay, we have that out of the way Jensen,” Chris stated while staring intently. “The reason you called couldn’t be as bad as that so spill.”

Jensen looked at Chris, hesitating before he told him his news. He had been sitting on this information for the past two days not telling anyone. Even after he threw the used test kit out so that Jared wouldn’t find it, he still hadn’t said the words aloud. To say them where someone else could hear them made it real. Once he spoke them, he couldn’t take the words back and pretend that he never said them to Chris.

“I’m,” he started, “I’m pregnant,” he exhaled hoping Chris understood what he said so that he wouldn’t have to repeat it.

“But Jensen, that’s good news right?” The confusion showed on his face. “That’s what you guys wanted, so why are you not happy about this?”

“I don’t know if it’s Jared’s or not. It could be Morgan’s child and I don’t know what to do.”

Jensen watched as his friend struggled to process what Jensen had said and to choose his words, “How… what makes you think that this baby may be that dick’s kid, I mean you and Jared had been trying for _months_ Jen.”

“We were trying Chris, but I…I just started throwing up in the mornings. I don’t know if I was tired because of everything else going on.” He paused then continued, “I have thought about the possible dates, and if it is Morgan’s I have to think about possible termination.”

“What did the doctor say?” Chris asked anxiously.

“I won’t see him until tomorrow.” Jensen admitted.

“Then don’t make a decision until you do…” He started.

“I don’t want to lose Jared Chris,” Jensen pleaded for his friend to understand.

“If you do this you will lose yourself,” Chris reprimanded. “I know you Jen and you will not be able to live with yourself if you do that, so wait and see what the doctor says, then talk to Jared. Once you have all the information then the two of you can make an informed decision together, but also think about this Jen, it doesn’t matter who the father is, Morgan or Jared, this child is _yours_. This is a decision that sorry cannot fix, and if Jared walks because of a child who was innocent in all this shit, then he’s not worthy of you, let alone the kid.”

Jensen sat back and digested Chris’ words. Could he do that? Could he terminate his pregnancy even if Jared was not the father? He knew that there was a greater chance of this being Jared’s baby because they had been trying for so long, and there was nothing he wanted more than to give Jared a child. Tomorrows doctors’ visit would tell him how far along he was and put to rest the question of who fathered his child.

 

Jensen thought about the secret stash of baby things he purchased when Jared first agreed to start trying for a child. He never told Jared about the items because Jensen knew that his partner would scold him and remind him that he was getting his hopes up too soon because as they knew that conception for carriers was not easy. Jensen guessed that in reality it was because Jensen had quit taking his birth control months before Jared realized he had, so in actuality they had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year.

“Look Chris,” Jensen began as the server bought them their order. “For the next hour can we just be two friends eating lunch with no talk of babies, attacks or anything else unpleasant?” 

Chris looked at his friend as though he had something else to say, but he just said, “Yeah, we can do that.” And began talking about the new music he and Steve had written.

The next hour that passed was the best Jensen had had in months. There was no poking, prodding, or anyone asking if he was all right. It was two men enjoying lunch. Well, that was what it was before Jensen received a return call from Sheppard asking him to stop by the station and all pretenses were dropped when reality called.



Police stations were dirty places, and it seemed as though the extremely bright lights they used to make everything visible only further highlighted the dirt. Jensen’s eyes darted around as he entered the police station. This was his first time here and he honestly thought that he was safer in the darkest alley in the slimiest part of town because there were fewer criminals there. 

The desk sergeant pointed to a place to sit as he waited for the detectives. He was pretty sure he was being rude, but as he walked to the row of chairs , the only available seat was next to the person picking scabs from his arms and there was no way he was going to sit there. Just…no.

He wanted desperately to wash his hands, but he was scared that if he entered the restroom without an escort that he would not make it out without being robbed. Just as he had made up his mind to leave and call the detectives and have them meet him at his home, Samantha Ferris called his name and motioned him to follow her. Well fuck!

Jensen followed Samantha to her desk, and as luck would have it, it was located in the far corner of the room. As he walked to where he saw Sheppard sitting, Jensen felt as though all of the other detective’s eyes were on him, and it felt as if they were all shaking their heads saying there is the poor schmuck who was raped in his own home.

By the time he reached the desk and sat down, he was pale and even more nervous than when he first entered the station. The shame he felt at knowing that there were other people in this who room knew what had happened to him must have shown on his face, because suddenly Ferris was trying to reassure him.

“Jensen, no one here is judging you or what happened to you,” she said quietly. “A lot of these guys are helping work on your case, okay.”

Inhaling a deep breath, Jensen nodded his head in agreement because he had to swallow past the huge lump that prevented him from speaking. God he wished Jared was here.

“You okay?” she asked and when he nodded again, she continued, “now tell us what is going on.”  
As he opened his mouth to tell them about the texts, a thought occurred to him and he blurted out, “Oh god, there was more than one person there that night wasn’t there?”

Instead of answering, Sheppard asked, “What makes you think that Jensen?”

He pulled out his phone and showed the pair of them the texts on his cell, all of them some variation of telling him to ask Jared about his trip to California and said, “I know that Jeff is still in jail and he does not have access to a cell phone. My friend Chris said that since these started coming after I was attacked, it had to have something to do with it. So again I ask you there was more than one man wasn’t there?”

The pair looked at each other and through an unspoken conversation agreed to tell him the truth.

“Yes,” Samantha softly answered.

Jensen observed both Ferris and Sheppard and he knew from the looks passing between the two that there was something they weren’t telling him. Suddenly his legs started shaking and his agitation grew and he sat there knowing that he was not going to like what they were about to tell him.

“Tell me,” he demanded.

Ferris unexpectedly seemed unsure about how to handle what she had to tell him. If he were not so worked up, then he probably would appreciate the fact that her usual bitchiness had faltered.

“Perhaps we should call Jared, and have him come here and discuss this with us,” she hedged.

Now on top of being agitated, he was exasperated as well. It was the same thing he experienced his entire life, people thought that he was fragile because of his looks, and that sentiment doubled when they found out that he was a Carrier, treating him as if he had to be coddled. He took this treatment from his friends and family because they cared, however, these people would forget him as soon as the case was closed. Suddenly it was too much.

“I am not a fucking child!” Jensen yelled hitting the desk in frustration.

As soon as he yelled, the room went quiet while all of the other officers in the room looked their way and silently asked if everything was under control. Sheppard held up his hand signaling that they were okay and the others went back to their work.

“Jensen…” Ferris began.

“I’m pregnant,” he begged in a whisper while holding his head down so he did not have to see the pity in their eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Ferris said, “When you were in the emergency room a rape kit was taken from you with both oral and anal swabs. The DNA tests show that there were two different men, and Morgan’s DNA only showed up in the oral swab. Morgan is still not talking so we do not know who the second donor is.”

Jensen held his hand to his stomach, it was horrible enough believing that Jeff Morgan could have fathered his child, but now he is faced with the fact that if the baby was not Jared’s he wouldn’t know who the father was. The thought of that was enough to make him cry like the girl everyone believed him to be and had he seen the look of pity on the female officers face he probably would have.

 

 

Jensen had always pictured his first sonogram as a joyous event, where Jared would be there with him, holding his hand. Instead, after a sleepless night, here he was alternating prayers between hoping he was not pregnant and if he was that Jared was the father and not an unknown rapist. 

He barely paid attention as the technician explained about the procedure or the warning that the gel would be cold. Instead, he kept his eyes glued to the screen as the technician spread the cold gel on his stomach and began to move the wand. When she pointed out this little peanut shape and as suddenly as that, the pregnancy was real and no longer just a plus sign on a white stick, this was a child. His child.

As the doctor started educating him about the importance of prenatal care, diet, weight gain and vitamins, he wished he had asked Chad to come with him, because he was still in a daze and knew that he missed something important. The only reason he did not ask his friend to come was because he had not told Jared about the baby and Chris already knew and he was not going to tell another person before he told Jared.

“…eight to nine weeks.” the doctor informed.

Embarrassed that he was not paying attention, Jensen’s cheeks heated up as he asked, “I’m sorry, can you repeat that.”

“New parents,” The doctor joked incorrectly, laughed and repeated, “From the measurements of the fetus, I’m guessing that you are eight to nine weeks along.”

For the first time in months, Jensen smiled. It was a real smile not the fake one he had been giving everyone to convince them that he was okay when he really wasn’t. He smiled because he knew it made them feel better as they thought he was recovering. Knowing that he was nine weeks along changed everything.

Jensen walked out of the doctor’s office feeling as though he was floating on air because he and the man he loved were going to have a baby.



Jared was surprised to hear humming when he walked into his home. The day had been long and tedious and the way things had been between Jensen and him, he had dreaded going home. Jensen didn’t want his touch and he was seriously trying to get past the fact that he let Jeff torture him without putting up a fight but Jensen humming, well that was a good sign.

“Hey Jen I’m home and man something smells good,” he announced as he walked up behind Jensen and gave him a peck on the cheek and felt relief at the fact that Jensen’s flinch was barely noticeable today. Not wanting to chance Jensen’s possible aversion to his touch Jared stood as close as possible without actual contact. He looked at the food his partner was preparing, some sort of chicken dish with mushrooms and wince sauce that he did not recognize, but if it tasted as good as it smelled it would be wonderful.

The thing about growing up with someone and even being in a relationship with them for a few years was that you learn certain things about them. Like now, Jensen was cooking some fancy dish and he probably had an equally expensive wine to go along with it.

“Hey how about pouring yourself a glass of wine,” Jensen encouraged as though reading his mind. Jared grabbed the bottle and looked at the label. Yep.

 

He was now certain that something was up. From where he stood drinking his wine, he took in the soft smile on Jensen’s plush lips and the way those hips were swaying in time to the tune Jensen was still humming. He seemed almost happy again, almost as he was before. He was unconsciously doing those little things that had always turned him on faster than any blatant come-on. When he saw the cheesecake, his favorite dessert…yeah, something was up.

Jared would let Jensen have his moment, but by dessert, Jared knew he was going to force the issue and make Jensen tell him what was going on, but for now, he would enjoy the reprieve.

“Looks like someone has been watching Food Network again,” Jared teased as the wine began to relax him.

Jensen blushed, and wasn’t that the most beautiful thing he had seen in ages? It still amazed him that the man could still do that and look so innocent especially since Jared knew all the dirty things Jensen was capable of doing to him.

“Yeah, you know how I love Ina, so I just had to try this recipe.” 

“Smells good, you need help?” Jared offered.

“Not really, just some help getting everything on the table.”

After helping set the table Jared and Jensen sat and enjoyed their dinner. They almost forgot that things were strained between them. They laughed and kidded with each other and talked about their day. Jensen even sat a little closer and gave him that smile that was just Jared’s, but when Jensen reached out and placed his hand on top of his, Jared relaxed his body and tried not to call attention to it so that he could enjoy Jensen’s touch just a little longer. The touch affected him so much that he almost forgot that he was being buttered up.

Jared cleared the table and filled the dishwasher while Jensen made coffee and got plates for dessert. He knew this was where he was going to find out whatever Jensen had to tell him, but if it made him smile like that, it couldn’t be that bad so he prepared to enjoy his coffee, cheesecake and Jensen. Even though it was killing him, he would let Jensen share his news in his own time and he didn’t have to wait long.

“I had an appointment with Dr. Kripke today,” Jensen softly confessed.

“You didn’t tell me you had an appointment today,” Jared said, suddenly worried. Picking up the knife to cut the cheesecake, he continued, “You should have told me and I would have gone with you. Everything is okay right?”

”It was a last minute appointment and you definitely can go to the next one, daddy.” Jensen promised as he leaned in and planted a kiss on Jared’s lips.

“Daddy?” Jared laughed after reluctantly breaking the kiss, “You got a new kink baby boy?”

“I’m pregnant,” Jensen answered with smile lighting up his face in a way Jared had not seen since the day they first said I love you to each other.

Jensen was still talking but Jared couldn’t hear anything past the roaring in his ears. Pregnant. It had to be Morgan’s baby because he and Jensen had not had sex since he came back from California, hell they still weren’t allowed to do anything other than hand jobs or blow jobs. He knew for sure there was no way Jensen could have gotten pregnant before he left and he did not believe for one minute that Jensen had cheated on him, so that left Morgan.

He thought that he would have time to tell Jensen, that he could do exactly what Jensen had done tonight, soften him up with good food or go to one of those antique fairs that he liked so much, where the dealers were named Bubba and only had two teeth. Had he told him that way, he would have had time to explain why he did it, how it was to protect him, but now he was going to hurt him and there was no way to avoid it.

Jared’s eyes were full of the anguish he felt at those words. He and Jensen experienced all of their firsts together. They had their first date together, their first kiss, and their first love and the first time they had sex, it was with each other. The fact that someone other than him would father Jensen’s first child is unfathomable.

“So when is the appointment to terminate the pregnancy?”



Jensen placed his hand on his flat stomach, stepped back and looked at Jared with a look of horror on his face. “Why…why would you want to kill our baby?”

Jensen watched as Jared rubbed his eyes, and looked at him with sadness, “It’s not our baby Jensen.”

“What do you mean it’s not our baby? Dr. Kripke said that I was eight to nine weeks along, nine weeks makes it yours.”

“No Jensen, not mine. You’re probably eight weeks. Not nine.”

“Please don’t say that Jared, besides how can you be so sure,” Jensen begged as he felt his happiness slipping away. “Tell me you’re happy about our fucking baby that we have been trying so long to have!” 

As he looked at Jared, Jensen knew there was something the big man was keeping from him, that there was a reason he was so adamant that he was eight weeks not nine.

Jared sucked in a deep breath, exhaled and explained, “My trip to California was to have a vasovasostomy to reverse the vasectomy I had seven years ago, that is why I know the baby is Morgan’s not mine.”

“A vasectomy? You had a vasectomy and didn’t bother to tell me? I mean sometime during the six months we have been trying to get pregnant would have been a good time don’t you think?” He all but yelled.

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” Jared pleaded for Jensen to understand.

“Really?” Jensen challenged, “You sure as hell didn’t have trouble telling me now, slipped out pretty god damned easy when you asked me to kill my baby,” Jensen said turning his back to fight the tears that were threatening to fall.

“You think that it was easy for me to ask that of you?” Jared yelled back. “It’s killing me that you have that bastard’s child growing inside you.” Lifting his hand to rub the back of his neck Jensen listened in shock as Jared continued, “Perhaps if you had fought him then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, if you hadn’t just given in so easily you wouldn’t be giving another man a child that should be mine!”

Jensen turned around and the words he was going to say died in his mouth because his eyes were focused on the knife Jared still had in his hand as he waved his hands around as he spoke. Suddenly memories that he had prayed simultaneously to both remember and forget came flooding in and assaulted his senses.

He remembered feeling sluggish and the unlocked door, Morgan and the unknown man attacking him dragging him kicking and screaming to his and Jared’s bedroom. He also remembers praying for Jared to come home and help him, but apparently, he was in California reversing the lie he had been living for the past seven years.

“Yours? Do you know how guilty I felt about having stopped taking my pills before we decided to get pregnant and the entire time you had made the decision to get a vasectomy behind my back? If you didn’t have to sneak out of town and have it reversed then this wouldn’t have happened Jared. This baby would have been yours Jared, hell we would be preparing for me to give birth.”

Not waiting for a response from Jared, Jensen walked down the hall to their new bedroom and threw some clothes into a duffel bag. He had no clue as to where he was going but he had to get the fuck out of there and away from Jared. 

Jensen walked back down the hall and Jared was sitting at the table where they had enjoyed their dinner just minutes before. Now the cheesecake and coffee sitting on the table just mocked him for thinking Jared would be happy about this baby.

Jensen strode past Jared straight to the door and grabbed his keys. Before he left, he turned to Jared and said, “You know what Jared,” Jensen began, his anger evident in every word, “just so you know there were two men there that night. Morgan and someone else holding knives to my throat, so I was just trying to stay alive, but I guess you’d rather I had died fighting harder than lived to bear another man’s child.”

With those words, he opened the door and walked out trying to harden his heart to the soul-wrenching sob from Jared as he closed the door.

 

 

Samantha Ferris wanted to beat her head up against her desk, she had talked to Jensen’s friends numerous times and she was getting the same story. There was one little thing that was missing, one little clue that they didn’t think was important that would break this case open and she was at a loss as to how to get that information from them.

She and Sheppard were sitting at their desks going over notes and interviews trying to find anything that would help, she was so engrossed in her research that she didn’t notice when someone stopped by her desk. She looked up to find Jared Padalecki looking down at her.

She was so tempted to mangle his name, but the wrecked look on his face made her stop. “Jared” she greeted as she stood up to shake his hand. 

Motioning to the chair beside her desk, she encouraged the young man to take it, “Sit,” she softly commanded.  
She didn’t notice but Sheppard had moved from his desk to get a cup of the swill that passed for coffee to offer the forlorn man. He took it and sipped at it. From the face he made she could tell he didn’t like it but was too polite to admit it.

“What can we do for you mate?” Sheppard asked.

“Jensen and I had a fight last night, and during the course of that fight he informed me that there were two men…” he cleared his throat and continued, “there were two men that attacked him and you don’t know who the second one is. I need to know exactly what happened, help me understand.”

She didn’t like this kid and made no secret about it. Samantha guessed that it was not his fault that he reminded her of her asshole of an ex-husband. It wasn’t so much the baby thing, okay, well maybe it was, but it was also the fact that he treated Jensen as though he was not capable of taking care of himself.

“Jared…” she started.

“Please.” He begged.

That’s when she saw it. The pain that was etched into his face was not there for the same reason as her ex, there not because he no longer had control over her, but because he loved Jensen and was displaying it the best way he knew how. They were two kids who had fallen in love and now Jensen didn’t know how to tell him that he had outgrown the role Jared had cast him in and Jared didn’t know how to give up his control. If they kept this baby, many things were going to change.

“Jared,” Sheppard jumped in, “You know the worst of what happened, why do you need the details?”

“I need to know why when Jensen wakes up he’s drenched in sweat, why he can’t sleep. I need to know that when he flinches at my touch that it isn’t because of me. I want to really want be able to understand so that when I tell him that I do, I do.”

No matter how pale Jared’s face became, the two detectives did not mince their words, they were descriptive and used every adjective in the English language to describe how vicious the attack had been. The two officers finished and waited for a response from a visibly shaken Jared.

He shook his head and said, “I accused him of not fighting back, but he really didn’t stand a chance did he?”

“No, he didn’t,” Sheppard confirmed.

“What do you know about the second person?”

“Honestly, we think it was someone who was at the restaurant that night, that the unknown attacker was one of your friends.”

“Why do you think that?” Jared asked. “I don’t think anyone we know would do this to a stranger, let alone someone they know, so you have to be mistaken. You have to be.”

“It’s the only thing that made sense Jared. It had to be someone who knew you were out of town and close enough to drug Jensen without bringing attention to himself.”

“We are in the process of following up leads and narrowing down our list. One thing making it easier was the fact that we know the other suspect was male, so that eliminated all of your female friends.” Ferris said as she attempted to give Jared some good news.

“So who have you narrowed the list down to?” he asked impatiently.

“We have not had a chance to follow all of our leads, so right now every male that was present that night is still technically a suspect.” Sheppard explained. "Once we have eliminated some people we still may not let you know because you are close to all of them, and we don’t want to give away the home field advantage.”

Ferris piped in, “Tomorrow we have an appointment to talk to Morgan, to see if his time in prison has loosened his tongue.”

“Yeah,” Sheppard agreed, “He might be tired of doing his time alone.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Jared queried.

“We can try to get a cheek swab from your friends, do you think that will be a problem?”

“No, not at all, they’re all chomping at the bit to help.” Jared said as he stood up. “Look, I think that Jensen may have some more information for you now, he kind of had a revelation last night, so please call him, and see what he remembers.”

The officers watched as Jared left and looked down at the folders Ferris had on her desk. They were concentrating on three of their friends, Chad, Mike and Misha, but they weren’t going to let him know that. Once the door to the squad room closed, Ferris muttered, “That poor bastard.”



Prisons by definition were not supposed to be comfortable and they were not. They were not comfortable for prisoners, visitors or in this case law enforcement. Ferris and Sheppard were shown to a visiting room, and as often as they have been there, they were still a little apprehensive about touching things.

The room was small with a dim overhead light and a table with three chairs around it. The walls were painted in what Ferris believed to be gray, but it was the questionable stains on the walls that had her attention more so than the paint underneath it. The room smelled faintly of some kind of cleanser and strongly of urine suggesting that the guards had given up on trying to keep it clean. Sheppard lit a cigarette and usually she would bust his balls about making her smell like smoke, but she gave it a pass today because she would rather smell like smoke than piss.

They stood in the room in a comfortable silence while waiting for Morgan. Even though she would eat her gun before she admitted it, the more she talked to him, the more Ferris understood why everyone loved Jensen so much. There was something about him that just tugged at that thing she reluctantly referred to as a heart. She found that she was like the Scooby gang; she wanted to be his protector as well. After this visit, she wanted to be able to tell him who his attacker was, and who fathered his child and remove that haunted look from his face.

She looked down at the folder she brought with her and the three pictures in it. She hoped like hell that she had chosen the right one and that Morgan would put an end to the suffering he had caused. Ackles and Padalecki needed answers and now that Ackles was pregnant, it was more important than ever that the unknown assailant be named.

The silence was broken by the sound shuffling of feet bound by leg chains rattling as the prisoner walked towards their little room. Jeffery Dean Morgan was an imposing figure. The key word here …was. The months in prison had not been kind to him as rapists and pedophiles were considered the lowest of the low and therefore fair game.

Judging from the eye that was swollen shut, and the bruises that were in various stages of healing, and the split lip, showed that Morgan was no exception to prison rules. As she took in the mess that was his face, Ferris thought that he was in better shape than Jensen was, hell better than Jensen still is.

“We’re good,” Sheppard advised the guards once they had Morgan sitting at the table across from them.

“You’re looking well Morgan,” Ferris snarked. “It looks as though you’ve had some work done on that handsome face of yours.”

“Fuck you Ferris,” Morgan spat. “These people aren’t protecting me.”

“They left you looking better than you did Ackles,” She reminded him.

Ferris watched in fascination as Morgan ducked his head and blushed so hard the tips of his ears turned bright red. The little shit had the nerve to pretend he cared.

“How. How is he?” Morgan asked.  
“You weren’t so worried about him when you and your buddy left him to bleed to death were you?”

“Ah Ferris,” Sheppard chimed in his voice dripping heavy with sarcasm. “Don’t you know nothing says I love you like repeated blows to the face?”

Shaking her head at her partner, Ferris supposed, “Then he must really love Ackles.”

“I did. I do,” Morgan insisted. “He was supposed to love me back instead of that stupid oversized puppy.”

“Oversized puppy huh?” Ferris chuckled “If you thought Padalecki was so harmless, then why did you wait until he was out of town before you made your move? Is it because you knew how protective he was of Jensen, that he would fuck you up for touching Jensen?”

“If he had just cooperated then he wouldn’t have gotten hurt, I would have had no reason to. I didn’t want to leave him like that; it’s just that I couldn’t…”

“Okay,” Sheppard chimed in. “I loved him so much I tried to kill him, blah, blah, blah. I don’t want to hear that pack of lies, so let’s get to the important stuff like how did you get in because there was no forced entry and you were there before Ackles.”

Morgan didn’t answer he just stared ahead not looking at either officer.

“C’mon Morgan,” Sheppard pleaded. “When you’re up for sentencing the judge will go easier on you if we tell him you cooperated, so help us out here.”

“Yeah,” Ferris agreed. “We need to know how you got in; how you knew Ackles was going to be alone and most importantly, who your partner was.”

“I can’t tell you,” Morgan mumbled.

Ferris pulled the group of photos she brought with her, placed them on the table in front of Morgan and asked, “Is he in this group? If he is, all you have to do is point him out for us.”

He didn’t answer her question, he just looked at the pictures. When his eyes lingered just a second too long on one of them, she thought she had her answer, so she asked again. “Which one is it, Morgan?” but he still would not tell her.

“So you are gonna take all of the blame while he goes free?” Sheppard asked incredulously. “Why?”

“I promised him I wouldn’t. I got one night with Jensen and we agreed that if we got caught we were on our own.”

“Was it worth it?” Ferris asked. “I mean the next time Bubba is holding you down, or rearranging your face, remember we gave you a chance and you threw it away. We’re done here.” She said as she called for the guard.



Jensen spent that first night in a hotel with his phone turned off. He did not want to have to explain his situation to anyone, and just for tonight, he wanted to have a pity party. Tonight he would hide out in this room from the world while he cried and ate a shit ton of Chunky Monkey ice cream.

There were no definite plans for tomorrow. He was not sure if he was going home to Jared or find a new place to live. Then there was the matter of the baby. If Kripke had not shown him that sonogram, he might have been able to do it, have an abortion, but now this was a living breathing person and he could not do it. Chris was right, no matter whom the father was, this child was his. What was that old saying daddy’s baby Papa’s maybe?

After completing his Ben and Jerry’s marathon, Jensen lies back on the bed, placed his hands on his still flat stomach, and tried to picture what this child will look like. He can only envision variations of himself and his family because he does not know who the father is. At least when he thought it was just Morgan, he was beginning to work towards closure, but now it feels as though he had been raped all over again but this time, the wounds are soul deep. 

“Jared answer the fucking phone,” Jensen muttered into his pillow as he tried to fight back the bile that was rising in his throat.

As he rolled over and made a dash for the bathroom, the thought registered in the back of his mind that he was not a t home, but in a hotel hiding out from Jared and the world. That was probably Jared calling him, wondering where he was. After Jared’s admission yesterday killed the tenuous hope he had about the baby, he just couldn’t face anyone. All he could think about was that if Jared could lie about something as important as that, what else he was hiding from him. It also raised the question did he really know Jared. 

Picking up the phone, Jensen looked at the id and it was who he had expected it to be, Jared. His first instinct was to turn the ringer off again, but that was not going to make Jared stop calling. Tilting his head back, he blew out a puff of air and slid his finger across the screen to return the call.

“Jensen,” Jared greeted in a rush. He must have been sitting there with the phone in his hand because he answered before the first ring completed. “Baby where are you? I’ve been worried all night.”

Baby. That was an endearment he had not heard in a long time and hearing it made his heart beat a little crazily, but try as he might, Jensen just could not make the words get past the lump in his throat.

“I understand that you… you don’t want to talk to me right now, but could you at least call Chad or Chris and let them know that you’re okay.” Jared begged.

Jensen mumbled something that he thought was an agreement and disconnected the call. He didn’t have time to collect his thoughts before Chad was calling him, “Dude where the fuck are you?”

“Before we go any further, Chad did you know?”

“Know what Jen?” Chad countered. “Is this one of those things that Jared said that it’s your story to tell?”

“Yeah Chad, it is,” Jensen sighed.

“Go home Jensen,” Chad advised. “You love Jared and Jared loves you; everything else is just bullshit you have to wade through.”

“I can’t Chad, at least not right now,” He stressed hoping that Chad would understand.

“Look Jensen, come back and stay with me until you and Jay can work your shit through,” Chad offered.

“Chad…”

“Look, this way he doesn’t have to worry about you, he knows you’ll be safe with me. You guys are like my brothers and I hate to see you go through this, so please, let me do this.”

Jensen thought about what Chad was saying and it would be the best solution for them. There were a million questions that he would need answered and it would be easier to ask Chad rather than Dr. Kripke, because the less he has to discuss this entire clusterfuck that had become his life the better. He could think about what his future would be and if it included either Jared or the baby or both. 

“Okay Chad,” Jensen agreed. “I just need to get some things from home.” As he said the words, Jensen cringed because going home meant seeing Jared before he was ready.

“Don’t worry I’ll get what you need man,” Chad volunteered. Jensen thought he must have heard the unease in his voice at the thought of going home.

Jensen looked at the time on his phone and realized that it was barely eight a.m. and if he were speaking to Jared, he would kill him for waking him that early. He was up now and he really wanted a cup of coffee, but one of the things the doctor told him that did stick was no caffeine. How was he supposed to function for seven more months? 

Knowing that Chad was going to get clothes for him, Jensen knew he was going to need more toiletries because Chad never actually purchased body wash or soap, he tended to use whatever the nurse of the week left at his place, and that was a chance that Jensen was not willing to take. Even though he was a Carrier, that did not mean he wanted to smell like a woman.

He passed the morning by hitting several thrift shops and antiques stores to see if he could find things for his online store or even Ebay. He found a couple of little figurines that he could make a little profit on, so he felt that his day was somewhat productive, and from there it was to the nearest store for the toiletries.

Grabbing a shopping basket, he made his way through the store to find his favorite brand and make his way to Chad’s place. Jensen saw him the minute he went down the aisle that held the body wash. The man was tall, had a solid build and sported a mixed gray beard. Jensen ducked back out of the aisle and took a deep breath, surely Ferris and Sheppard would have advised him that the, well one of the men who almost killed him was out of prison. Perhaps it was not him, so just to be sure, Jensen stole a glance and the man was gone. Hurriedly Jensen located the items he needed and rushed to the checkout. As soon as he was safely in his car, he was going to call the two officers for verification of Morgan’s location. 

Just as he reached the cashier, a deep voice behind him said, “Hi sweetheart.” He then carefully placed the basket holding his items for purchase on the counter and fainted.

 

 

Jensen found himself waking up to a paramedic calling his name repeatedly. Noticing his wallet in the hands of said paramedic Jensen thinks, oh, that’s how he knew my name.

“Jensen, stay with us,” the heavyset man requested.

Shaking his head like a dog shaking off water, Jensen attempted to clear his head when the realization that he was lying on the dirty floor of the store prompted him to try to get up. However, when he caught sight of the bearded man the paramedics had to hold him down, while he embarrassed himself by screaming at the man, telling him he should be in jail for what he did to him.

“Jensen, please calm down or I’ll have to give you something to help calm you down,” the paramedic threatened.

“No!” Jensen replied as he placed his hands on his stomach, “I’m pregnant.”

The paramedic looked at his partner and shook his head as though to say, hormones. “I’m okay,” Jensen promised, “just a little shaken up.”

“Do you want me to call,” the second paramedic paused and read something in Jensen’s wallet, “Jared?” 

“No, no call Chad…doctor.”

“You want me to call your doctor?” the paramedic misunderstood.

“No, call Chad, he’s my friend and a doctor,” Jensen clarified and rattled off Chad’s cell number.

While the second paramedic called Chad, the heavyset one helped a wobbly Jensen to his feet. Jensen looked around, but thankfully, the guy with the beard was gone. He was positive now that the man was not Morgan, but as soon as he got in his car, he was going to call and make sure.

The paramedic had talked to Chad and assured him that Jensen wouldn’t be alone when he got home, so reluctantly, they let Jensen leave. As Jensen turned to leave, the cashier stopped him as he walked by her to give him his purchases.  
“I’m sorry, I’ll have to come back,” he advised because he was in no shape to deal with that right now.

“No, it’s okay,” she reassured him, “The nice guy with the beard paid for you.”

Jensen hesitated before he took the bag from the girl. He really didn’t want to take it from her, but he still felt the stare of the other customers as well as the paramedics and he didn’t want them to change their mind and insist that he come with them.

The walk to his car was short but it felt as though it was the length of two football fields as he still felt everyone staring at him, as though he was too delicate to make it there without histrionics, or passing out again. He opened the door and threw the bag inside only to be rewarded with the sound of something breaking. That is when he remembered the figurines he had purchased earlier. Perfect. 

Once he was seated behind the steering wheel, he sat there until the shaking stopped long enough for him to leave a message for Ferris and Sheppard. Once he completed his call, he drove to his (hopefully) temporary home.

When he arrived to Chad’s place, the unwelcome sight of his mother’s SUV parked in the drive greeted him. 

“Shitdamnfuckhell!” Jensen swore under his breath as though Donna Ackles could hear him from where he sat in his car. This was something else he was hoping he could put off for a little while longer, but he was not going to be afforded that luxury.

The house smelled wonderful. His mom apparently had been there long enough to put a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies in the oven for him. Those have always been her way to get Jensen to spill his guts to her, but it wasn’t a bad thing because she was his mom, the keeper of his secrets, and that’s why when he saw her he knew he was finally going to have to tell her everything because those cookies warm from the oven were his kryptonite. 

Donna Ackles placed a plate of warm cookies and a cold glass of milk in front of Jensen and demanded, “This is where you tell me what’s wrong.”

“What made you think something was wrong?” he asked around a cookie.

“You’re staying at Chad’s, and you fainted in a public place and became so disoriented that the paramedics wanted to make sure someone would be home with you, so yes Jensen I knew something was wrong.”

“I’m pregnant,” Jensen blurted out because it was the easiest thing to tell her.

“Normally, this is the part where I would be jumping up and down and pulling out my phone to tell everyone I know, but something tells me there is more to this.”

“It’s not Jared’s,” he admitted with his head down because he was too ashamed to look at his mother when he had to tell her something so vile.

“Morgan’s?” She whispered with a shaky voice.

Jensen could not voice the answer, so he just shook his head. 

“You cheated on Jared?” she accused, disappointment dripped from every word. 

“No,” Jensen denied as he shook his head violently, “Mama no.”

This was the part he was dreading. There was no way to avoid this, especially if he didn’t let Jared talk him into terminating the pregnancy. He was secure in the knowledge that his family would love his child no matter what, but he considered Jared’s family his family as well, and if they were not let in on the circumstances of the conception, then he could possibly damage those relationships beyond repair. 

This was one of the problems haunting his dreams for the past couple of days, the unknown attacker. Was he white, black or Asian. Was he tall or short, or was there a genetic disease in his family? Was he still stalking him or had he left town. As he confessed the information that there was a second attacker, he voiced these concerns to his mother as well.

Taking his hand, Donna softly censured, “Jensen you know you have to take some of the blame for some of this.”  
“What did I do?” Jensen demanded, “Jared went behind my back and did something that affected us both, and I had no hand in that.”

“Don’t get me wrong Jensen, Jared was wrong to have the surgery without your knowledge and I would be just as angry if your father had did this to me.” She explained. “I have to admit that love the fact that you found someone you loves you the way that Jared does is great, but you let him treat you like the princess that Chad calls you and that sends the message to Jared that his actions are ok.”

Jensen stared at his mother as if she had grown a second head, “Mom?”

“Look, the way he treats you influences how your friends treat you. Chad was called in today, but he didn’t want to leave you here alone,” She pointed out. “Over the years I have seen Jared talk you into things that I know you didn’t want to do and by the time you capitulated, you had almost convinced yourself that the idea had been yours originally.”

“Oh, god mama, he wants me to have an abortion.”

“Jensen I can’t tell you what to do in this situation because ultimately this will be up to you and Jared, but if that is not what you want then now is the time you put on your big boy pants and stand your ground.”

“Mama … sometimes it’s hard to tell him no.”

“Then the baby that you wanted so much will not breathe its first breath because Jared can make sad eyes. Maybe it’s good you’re here with Chad and won’t be influenced in your decision.”

“Mama…” Jensen implored.

“All I am saying Jensen is just make sure the decision you make is yours, because this one, if it’s for Jared and not for you, your relationship won’t survive.”

He thought he was sure about his decision after seeing the ultrasound, but after his reaction today and the thought that the second attacker was still out there and may never be caught, would having this child be the best decision. After the conversation with his mom, it is clear that he is not as sure as he thought he was, but one thing is clear he does not have to make that choice today.

“I can hear your mind churning away Jensen,” Donna gently teased. “Tonight when you are alone, just ask yourself this question, do I really want this baby and go from there.”  
Before he could respond the doorbell rang, so instead he teased, “Big boy pants mom? Really?”

“Yes,” she teased back as she moved to answer the door, “Now be quiet and eat your milk and cookies.”



Jared stared at his phone in an attempt to will it to ring, but of course it didn’t because Jedi mind tricks don’t work on inanimate objects, or at least that was what he was telling himself. He wanted to hear Jensen’s voice so badly even if it ended in an argument. His reluctance to call was not about being the first to give in, but fearfulness that Jensen didn’t feel the same.

Jared walked over to the fridge to see what he could fix for dinner, but it was the same as the house empty without Jensen to fill it. He closed the door and made his way back to the sofa after grabbing the stash of takeout menus. Just as he sat down the phone rang and He let it ring twice to steady himself but it didn’t matter because as he already knew Jedi mind tricks did not work. The caller id read Chad, not Jensen.

“Jared I don’t have much time, I just wanted to know if you have talked to Jen today,” Chad asked

“No,” Jared admitted, “I’m trying to give him a little space.”

“Well, space be damned, he fainted in a CVS today and if the paramedics hadn’t reached me they were going to admit him.”

“Is he alright? You don’t sound like you’re with him, why aren’t you with him,” Jared panicked.

“He is fine, but I was called in to cover a shift, but I didn’t leave him alone. His mom is with him. If you’re going to be chickenshit and not call him, then call her. When you talk to them, tell them to save me some cookies.”

“I’m glad that you have your priorities straight,” Jared admonished.

“Call him Jay,” Chad encouraged before he disconnected the call.

Scrolling down his contact list, Jared touched Jensen’s name before he could change his mind. “Hello,” a voice full of laughter answered.

“Jensen, I was calling to see you were feeling better, but it sounds as though you are.” Jared answered attempting to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Apparently the news spread concerning my incident today and now I have visitors here to help cheer me up.”

“Oh, Chad called them?” this time the bitterness is at the fact that Chad called him last.

“No, apparently the cashier knew Rosie and called him to gossip and he rallied the troops, although I think Danneel is here more to see Chad than me.”

“Look, since you’re busy, I’ll go, but… can we meet tomorrow for lunch? Please?”

Jensen named a place they could meet, but it was not their normal place and Jared was maybe a little hurt, but he could do this. The house still felt empty and was quiet without Jensen there to talk to him, but he was a little more comfortable with the knowledge that he would see Jensen tomorrow and perhaps he could talk him into coming home.



The restaurant Jensen chose was nice. It was bright, not yet full with people, and so different from what Jared had imagined. He had arrived twenty minutes early because he wanted to get his nerves settled, and he was glad he did to help cover his surprise of Jensen’s choice of eatery.

In the middle of his musings Jensen walked in and astounded Jared at how ridiculously gorgeous he was. It seemed that the older he got the better looking he became. As he walked towards the table, it amazed Jared that he had not noticed the changes in Jensen that screamed pregnant. His face was slightly rounder, and had he not known the man all of his life, he would have thought the little swell of his stomach was one too many beers.

As Jensen neared the table and he could see eyes that were a beautiful shade of green, it transported him back to another time, another Jared and Jensen. They were so young then, with no worries and no expectations. Chad and Jensen had been spending a lot of time together and though he knew, they were just friends, he had been so damned jealous of his friend. When he joined them they were occupying a booth and Chad was sitting so close to his Jensen, he just knew he had to tell Jensen how he felt before he did something stupid and punch one of his best friends.

Some girl had caught Chad’s attention and waved him over and Jared saw his chance. With the butterflies in his stomach turning into a flock of birds, he admitted how he felt, and to his amazement, Jensen admitted that he felt the same. Now here they were years later and the birds are back, but the feeling was the same, he had to convince Jensen that he still loved him and once this baby is gone, they could have a new beginning.

Normally he would greet Jensen with a kiss, and he leaned in to do so, but Jensen’s stiffening at the thought of contact with him told him he was still nervous when he was touched. To help pretend not to notice Jensen’s skittishness, Jared busied his hands with the glass of water the server had placed on the table, and gave a little smile when he noticed Jensen doing the same.

“Hi,” Jensen greeted after Jared moved away.

“Hi yourself,” Jared welcomed Jensen. He also gave him a smile in an attempt to put the other man at ease.

Their savior came in the form of their server whose name was Ted and in the event you forgot it his name tag was highlighted by blinking lights. The tension was broken when Ted brought their menus and they both tried to smother laughs at the shirt Ted wore that was decorated with every pin ever made that had some variation of a smiley face. 

Once Ted walked away Jared asked, “Okay so what’s good here?”

“Don’t know, I’ve never been here, but how wrong can you go with a steak?”

Orders placed, Jared turned to really look at Jensen and that is when Jared noticed that Jensen was a little pale making the freckles that he loved and Jensen hated really stand out.

“How are you feeling, Jen? You look a little pale.”

“Apparently morning sickness is a misnomer because it just subsided an hour ago.” Jensen frowned.

Jared thought it best to sit on his hands before he reached over to stroke some part of Jensen to soothe him, and besides, he could only take so much rejection.

“May … is it okay to ask what happened yesterday.” 

Jensen’s cheeks went from pale to bright red with embarrassment, “only if I never have to repeat this ever again.”

“Fair enough,” Jared agreed.

“I thought I saw Morgan ,and I even went so far as to call Sheppard and Ferris to make sure he was still in jail,” 

Jensen continued to explain. “I saw a man that looked very similar to him, and he called whoever he was with sweetheart and suddenly I was in full panic mode, but I fainted before I could leave the store.”

“You do know that Morgan is still locked up, right? When I spoke to those two cops a couple of days ago they were going to visit him.”

“I know that now. I did get a voice mail from them reassuring me, but for that brief moment Jared I just… I just lost it.”

They spent the rest of the meal tiptoeing around each other not sure what topic was going to run the afternoon. The only subject that they needed to discuss was the baby, but he could tell that Jensen was not ready today, but it would have to be soon.

When Ted bought them the check, they were almost relaxed, but for some reason he noticed Jensen stiffen when Ted gave him the check. How did that make him uncomfortable after all of these years, because even when Jared was struggling he paid for their dates?

Once they were outside Jensen turned to Jared blinking his eyes against the midday sun, “Um… if you’re interested, I have an appointment with Dr. Kripke tomorrow to do some blood work around three.”

“I’ll be there with bells on,” Jared promised.

Jensen gave him a relieved smile as he climbed into his car and drove away while Jared watched him until the vehicle was no longer in his sight. Tomorrow he would be happy to meet Jensen at the doctor’s office because the sooner they could arrange for the abortion the sooner they could put their lives back together.

 

Two forty-five was what the clock on the wall read and Jared was nowhere in sight. If he had changed his mind, then Jensen wished he had called instead of letting him sit there alone in a waiting room full of shiny happy couples. He had to endure pitying smiles of the expectant mothers and one expectant father whose mates did not stand them up.

He hated the board of baby pictures he had to look at each time he had a visit here. It was bad enough that as a Carrier he had to come here every three months, but to see those baby pictures of which none was his, hurt. Right now, he wanted to tear them all down because he knew that if he was not strong enough, this baby’s photo would not be there either.

Jensen was so busy scowling at the baby pictures that he didn’t hear Jared as he stepped behind him and had Jared not grabbed his arms he would have taken an elbow to his well-toned stomach for his troubles.

“Sorry I was running late, the client kept changing her mind,” Jared apologized softly in Jensen’s ear.

“I thought that you had changed your mind about coming,” Jensen stiffly confessed.

“I have never broken a promise to you Jen,” 

“That’s right Jared, you just keep secrets,” he accused as he twisted his way out of Jared grip and went to sit down.

The two men sat there in silence until the nurse called Jensen’s name and even though it was not her fault, the nurse didn’t make it better when she looked at Jared and exclaimed, “congratulations papa!” and he was soon wearing a scowl to match Jensen’s.

After the nurse unknowingly stuck her foot in her mouth she showed them to an examination room where she informed Jensen he needed to get undressed and she would be back shortly to take his vitals. Jensen put on the little paper gown while trying to sneak furtive little glances at Jared to see how the nurses words affected him even after she came back to take his vitals.

He was still trying to read Jared’s face when the doctor entered the room to explain the purpose of this visit. “Today we are doing the blood work we didn’t get to do on your last visit,” the doctor explained.

“If the pregnancy is going to be terminated, then do we still need to do the blood work?” Jared questioned the doctor who was now staring at Jensen.

“I do not terminate pregnancies unless there is a medical reason,” Dr. Kripke explained as he reached into the pocket of his lab coat, pulling out a card giving it to Jared.

“This is the number of a colleague that does. Have Hillarie make the appointment for you.”

“Wait,” Jensen stopped him as he opened the door to leave, “I. I haven’t decided that I was going to terminate, Jared is jumping the gun here.”

Chewing nervously on his bottom lip, Jensen decided it was best to explain to the doctor why Jared was asking about the procedure.

Nodding his head, the doctor explained, “I do understand, but it is not a medical reason. If you decide to go through with this, please remember that it is unsafe for you after fifteen weeks. You have about six weeks before the decision is out of your hands.”

“Then for now let’s just do the blood work.”

Smiling at Jensen’s decision, the doctor called his nurse back in to get started.

Jensen had planned to invite Jared out to a late lunch, but after the exchange in the doctor’s office, he had him to follow him back to Chad’s instead. The conversation they needed to have would be best conducted in private.

Coffee and beer were out, damn this being pregnant sucked because Jensen needed one of them right now. It was a good thing he did not smoke because he would have start swinging as soon as Jared walked through the door.

“I stopped to get some food and I got you a salad because I wasn’t sure if you could handle something heavy,” Jared informed Jensen as though everything was okay.

“What the fuck Jared,” Jensen ground out.

Jared stopped fumbling with the food and looked at Jensen, “I don’t see any reason to put this off Jen, why waste time with those tests when you’re not going to keep this baby”

“You decided that for me huh?” Jensen was yelling now. “I don’t get a say in this.”

“I’m just doing what I have always done Jensen, protecting you. If you have this baby, how can you love it?” Jared asked yelling himself now. “I know you won’t be able to give it up and every time you look at it you’ll remember that night. You won’t be able to let it go.”

“Is that what you’re telling yourself Jared, that you’re protecting me? If you did half a good as good a job as you think, I would not be having someone else’s child. I understand that this is uncomfortable for you, but for a second I thought you were going to perform the procedure yourself.”

“What the hell is going on in here,” Chad spat at both men, “I can hear you yelling from the goddamned freeway!” 

“Stay out of this Chad,” Jared warned between clenched teeth.

“No way man, this is my house and you two idiots are my friends.”

Looking from Chad to Jensen, Jared cocked his head and asked, “Is this what the problem is Jensen, do you have a new protector and you don’t need me any longer?” Unfortunately for Jared, his feet weren’t as fast as his mouth and he stumbled back as Jensen’s fist connected with his face.

It was hard to say which of the three men was the most shocked at this turn of events. In all of the years they had known each other, they had had disagreements but had never come close to blows and the fact that it was sweet tempered Jensen who had been the one to throw a punch was unfathomable.

Stepping in between the two men, Chad turned to Jared, “I know things are fucked up right now, so I’m going to ignore that, but I think it’s time for you to go.”

Jared nodded in agreement and walked out without so much as a glance in Jensen’s direction.

After the door slammed behind Jared, Chad turned to Jensen and quipped, “I guess with a right hook like that, I should probably stop calling you princess, huh.”

After Chad had to referee an argument after a twenty-four shift and for letting him crash there, Jensen cooked him his favorite meal in apology and thanks. Once he began preparing the meal, his phone kept buzzing. He knew it was Jared and each time he attempted to use his sore hand he ignored it because he was embarrassed at his actions. Finally, he couldn’t take it any longer.

_Right now it’s your baby he doesn’t want, but how much longer before he turns on you as well._

Just how much more was he supposed to take? Jensen asked himself as he banged the pans he was using. He hit Jared, and it didn’t matter what Jared had did or said it did not warrant him being punched. Perhaps this text was his punishment for not letting Jared touch him, for wanting to be alone that night, for breathing.

“So it wasn’t enough that you went all Mike Tyson on Jared, but now you’re going to destroy my kitchen as well,” Chad questioned bemused.

“Look man, I’m sorry about that I just don’t know what came over me,” Jensen apologized. “If you want me to leave…”

“You cooked me lasagna because you want to leave? Go sit and get off your feet, and I’ll bring the food in.”  
Once they were settled, Chad looked at Jensen and asked, “What’s going on Jen? It’s not like you and Jay to argue let alone actually hitting.”

 

“He wants me to have an abortion Chad, and for a short while I thought I could do it,” Jensen confessed as he sat back in his chair rubbing his hand down his face. “After I saw the sonogram I… just don’t think I can.”

“Then don’t,” Chad stated simply, “but what I don’t understand is why, you guys have been trying for a while.”

Taking in a deep breath Jensen hesitantly explained about the mystery man, the texts and the real reason Jared went to California.

“What are you about eight, nine weeks along?” 

“Nine,” Jensen confirmed.

“Then you have six weeks to decide what you want not Jared, but make sure it is the right choice because either way you will kill a little piece of yourself.”

“So the douche thing is just an act huh?” Jensen guessed.

“Nah, it’s just that I become a real boy when I’m tired. Now eat. You need to build up your strength so you can apologize.”

Jensen was sick for the next two days and he was not sure if it was actual morning sickness or guilt, but his stomach protested each time he attempted to get out of bed. The good thing about living with a doctor was that he knew what treatment he needed. The bad thing about living with a doctor was he knew what treatment was needed and threatened to take Jensen to the hospital and hook him up to an IV drip if he didn’t stop throwing up soon.

Eventually the nausea subsided, however Chad made him spend the rest of the day in the bed, and the next day he called Donna Ackles in to make sure he followed doctors’ orders. What he had not counted on was her having Sherry Padalecki and Carrie Murray in tow.

 

Life was miserable enough being sick with one mother but being fussed over by three was going to drive him mad.  
“Mom,” he complained as Donna brought him a bowl of broth, “I thought you said I needed to learn to take care of myself.”

“I did, but it seems that giving you boyfriend a black eye apparently takes a lot out of you.”

“I’m sorry. Is Sherry mad at me?”

“Not mad, just disappointed,” answered a voice from the doorway.

Sherry Padalecki and Carrie Murray entered the room and stood by their friend, Donna. “Jensen I am disappointed in both of you. What is happening to you and Jared?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I’m just scared that we won’t be able to get back to where we were before. It seems the harder we try, the further we slip away from each other.”

“Because of the things that have happened to you will never get back there again, “Carrie said, “but you and Jared can have something new and just as wonderful. Don’t let him tear you apart.”

“I’ll try.” He promised.

“That’s good,” Sherri Padalecki declared, “so let’s talk babies.

Jensen shot a worried glance at his mother and she shook her head telling him that she had not informed her friends that Jared was not the father enabling him to relax and let the women take over.



Morning came too early as the morning sickness woke Jensen. By the time it subsided he was awake and could not go back to sleep no matter how crappy he felt so he decided to make his way to the kitchen for toast and fake coffee to settle his stomach.

As he settled at the table to eat his toast, he grabbed his phone to return emails, and that was when he saw it. It looked harmless, and he thought it was an email concerning something listed on his online store, but was something far more sinister. Pictures. Pictures of him and Jared outside of the doctor’s office with the caption _I see you_.

This is what he was afraid of, that whoever this was, was still watching him. It was one thing when he thought the assailant was Jeff Morgan because knowing he was behind bars made him feel safer, but the thought of an unknown person stalking him made him sick. Did that mean if he had the baby that this person would try to harm him or the baby? Did that put Jared in danger as well?

Going through his contact list, he found the number for the officers because he may have not taken the texts seriously, but he would be stupid to ignore this. The voice mail kept picking up all morning but he called until Sheppard answered and told him to come into the office. What they didn’t tell him was that Jared would be there as well.

Jared’s eye looked worse than Jensen thought it would, or rather hoped it would. It was swollen shut and looked extremely painful almost as painful as his had before it healed. Jensen wanted to reach out and rub away the hurt he had caused but was not sure that his touch would be welcome or if he could follow through with it.

One of the other detectives in Ferris and Sheppard’s squad (Jensen couldn’t remember his name) escorted the men to an interview room and asked if they wanted something to drink as if he were a server in a restaurant. They both declined. “Ferris and Shep will be with you shortly,” he informed them and left the room.

They sat there not speaking, but each casting furtive glances when they thought the other one was not looking. It was when Jensen had stolen one of those glances that it struck him how much he missed the other man. It’s not as though they haven’t spent time apart, they have. But it was with the knowledge that they would be together again, this time Jensen wasn’t sure because of what he’ll have to give up to be with Jared again and the thought of never being with Jared again hurt.

The detectives entered the interview room and interrupted Jensen’s thoughts. “Gentlemen,” Sheppard greeted them.  
Neither man responded verbally, they just nodded their heads in greeting. “Sorry we kept you waiting, but out lieutenant called in in for a briefing. So what brings the two of you here today?” 

Jared nodded at Jensen indicating that he could go first, so Jensen grabbed his cell phone and pulled up the email he had received and showed it to the officer.

“Are those pictures of us?” Jared asked in a soft voice.

“Yes,” Jensen confirmed. “They were taken outside of Dr. Kripke’s office.”

“Mine were taken in front of Chad’s house,” Jared advised as he slid his phone to the officers as well.

”Normally this is where you would be advised to get a restraining order against this person, but it cannot be done if you do not know who this person is,” Ferris explained.

She rattled off her email address and asked both men to forward them to her, “This might be another dead end like the cell phones. It turns out they were the pay as you go kind and were untraceable.”

“Which leads us to our other problem,” Sheppard added. “Our lieutenant just informed us that Morgan has changed his tune and recanted his story. He is saying that the sex was consensual and it just got out of hand and he became scared and left Jensen there.”

“What…” Jensen sputtered.

“His lawyer is currently filing a petition to have him released on bail. They’ve found a judge willing to listen, so it’s possible Morgan could be free by the end of the week.”

 

Jensen looked so peaceful when he was sleeping Jared observed as he stood in the doorway of Chad’s spare bedroom. If it weren’t for the nightmares, Jared would’ve believed that that was the only time Jensen found peace lately. As Jared closed the door and walked back to the den where Chad had a beer waiting for him, Jared realized that the police gave Jensen more nightmare material today.

“Is he asleep?” Chad asked.

“For now he is.” Jared answered. “Chad I appreciate what you’re doing for Jensen, for us by letting him stay here, but I want him home so god dammed bad.”

“The pregnancy is what is making him tired,” Chad explained. “But the stress on top of it is wearing him out and it seems as though everyday someone piles on a little more. I know you want him home, but he’s welcome to stay here as long as he needs to.”

“He needs to be home so I can watch him closer and I can take care of him.” Jared tried to explain.

“You want him home so you can take care of him or try to convince him to kill his baby in the privacy of your own home?” Chad accused before taking a swig of his beer.

“Having this baby is a bad idea Chad; seeing this child everyday will never let Jensen forget what happened to him,” Jared defended.

“And people call me a douche,” Chad laughed. “Do you really believe that he would be able to forget what happened to him by getting rid of this baby? That the memories of that night would just going to automatically disappear? I remember treating a girl during my residency who had tried to commit suicide after she had been raped. With her, it was the oddest things that triggered her memory. It would be a smell, a word, the way someone walked.”

“I don’t want that for Jensen. I…”

“Yeah I know you want to protect him. Here is something you need to think about, Jensen doesn’t need someone to protect him, that black eye you’re sporting should tell you he can do that himself. He needs you to love him, to hold his hand through the rough spots and the rest will fall into place.”

Jared thought about what Chad said, but he still didn’t think Jensen should have this child.

“Have you two considered counseling?” Chad said after a moment.

“No.” Jared answered. Honestly, the thought never occurred to him.

“Then you should. I know you wanna be his white knight, but this isn’t something you can fix yourself Jared.”

While Jensen rested Jared, thought about that conversation as he and Chad whiled away the afternoon playing video games and taking turns check on Jensen who woke after a three-hour nap.

“Why did you guys let me sleep so long,” a grumpy Jensen complained as he yawned, walked into the den and stretched out on the sofa and closed his eyes and promptly went back to sleep.

“Your little Princess is a spoiled bitch,” Chad advised Jared.

“Like you didn’t help,” Jared reminded the other man as he answered his ringing phone.

“We’re at Chad’s,” Jared spoke into the phone. “Okay, we’ll see you then.”  
Chad looked at Jared and raised his eyebrow as though silently asking who was on the phone.

“Expect company in about fifteen minutes, that was Chris informing me that he and the gang are coming whether we want them here or not.”

“Well call them back and tell them your spoiled bitch wants food,” Jensen mumbled from the sofa.  
“Too late,” Jared laughed as the doorbell rang. 

Jared opened the door and stepped out of the way quickly or he risked being trampled by their large group of friends who to Jensen’s delight, came bearing food. 

“We know things are not… stable right now,” Chris said as he placed the large bag of food he was carrying on the table, “But y’all have missed our dinners for the past two months, so we thought we would bring the dinner to you.”

“Great because I’m starving,” Jensen stated as he inhaled the delicious aroma, but as the smell from the food permeated the air, Jensen made a mad dash to the bathroom as his stomach protested from the smell permeating the room. Aldis, however was pleased because Jensen knocked Danneel in to his arms as he ran past the pair.

“Thanks man,” Aldis said as he looked down at the beautiful woman in his arms.  
Pulling Jared aside Chris demanded of Jared, “So I guess you didn’t convince him to abort then?” 

“I should have known he would’ve told you,” Jared said bitterly as he watched Chad follow Jensen into the bathroom. He was upset because he knew that Jensen still would not welcome his help the way he did Chad’s.

“Look not tonight alright. It has been a bad fucking day and you guys showing up was like a breath of fresh air after being in a sewer for the past two months. I’m going to make some toast to help settle Jen’s stomach.”  
Chris nodded and frowned with concern as he watched Jared’s shoulders droop as he walked towards the kitchen, resigned to let Chad offer the comfort he wanted to give Jensen while he acted as the backup.

“You okay?” Katie asked as Jensen walked back to the sofa, but then gushed “Oooooh,” smiled and clapped excitedly when she noticed his baby bump. “Jen you’re pregnant!”

Jared smiled and took the congratulations offered by their friends while the only thing running through his mind was _now we will have to pretend he miscarried._  
  
”Congratulations papa Jared!” Mike yelled breaking Jared out of his reverie. That was the way the rest of the evening went, everyone either offering congratulations or offering advice, and Jared smiled through it all even though he didn’t want either. 

They all knew now so there was no way they could end the pregnancy quietly. When they eventually found out that the baby was not his and that he didn’t want it he knew he would come off looking like a dick. He also knew that their friends would rally around them and offer their undying support once the truth came out about the baby’s parentage and they would blame him if Jensen ended up hurt even more because of this. The thing about that was that their friends wouldn’t have to live with a daily reminder of the worst day of their lives. The baby would be the personification of the brutal rape with the expectation of him condoning it. As he falsely accepted the offers of congratulations, Jared realized that the only thing that made the evening worse was the fact that he had to go home and leave Jensen with Chad.



The next morning when Jared showed up at his office, Chris Kane was there waiting for him. There was no way he could turn around because the man had positioned himself in such a way that Jared would not see him until it was too late to retreat.

As he approached the shorter man, Chris held out a cup of coffee. “Is it safe to drink?” Jared asked before he took a sip of the hot brew. 

“If I’mma hurt you, I’ll take pleasure from the fact that you knew it was me, it would never be something girly like poisoning,” Chris assured. “But by the looks of your eye it appears as though someone has already beaten me to it.”

Unlocking the door the turned to Chris and invited him in, “That’s reassuring because I’d hate to waste a good cup of coffee, so let’s get this over with.”

“You could avoid this entire conversation just by telling me that you are no longer trying to convince Jensen to abort his child.”

“Then let’s talk.”

“Why are you doing this Jared? I know you understand what a hard time he’s having with this, but he would eventually give in just to please you.”

Jared sighed and at one time, he would have agreed with Chris, and this baby would be history, but Jensen was fighting him on this and not giving in. If he could persuade Jensen to do this, his womb would have been empty now.

“Look I don’t know how much Jensen has told you…”

“I know the baby isn’t yours,” Chris interrupted, “and despite what lie you’re telling yourself that why you’re so desperate to get rid of it.”

Jared realized here in his office he could admit the truth aloud and relieve some of the weight he had been carrying, but instead he countered, “That would make me the world’s biggest dick.”

“No Jared that would make you human.”



Jensen woke to the smell of coffee and toast and his stomach began to roll. “Good morning Princess,” Chad greeted. “Sit up and eat some of the toast before you get out of the bed and that should settle your stomach.” Chad advised.

Jensen followed Chad’s advice and much to his surprise, it worked. For some reason there were times that it still amazed him when he discovered that Chad actually knew what he was talking about. After dozing off, he was reawakened this time by the smell of eggs, toast and juice along with a side of very nasty prenatal vitamins. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that his stomach had settled or the fact that Chad stood over him as he ate that kept the food in his stomach.

“Hey since you were a good princess I got you something,” Chad admitted giving Jensen a bag he didn’t see him bring in. Jensen recognized the logo of one of the most elite baby stores in town. He knew it because he had spent so much time there fantasizing when he and Jared first started trying for a baby. Then there was the fact that he may or may not have purchased something from the same store.

Jensen counted to three before he carefully opened the bag because he did not want to seem too eager. With slightly trembling hands, he retrieved three onesies in green, yellow and white. He did not know how long he grinned like an idiot at the cuteness of the items.

“Since you don’t know the sex yet, I tried to get neutral colors,” Chad explained as he blushed awkwardly.  
Jensen looked at Chad trying to blink back the tears that were threatening, but one escaped anyway. “If you don’t like them I can exchange them,” Chad said hurriedly misunderstanding the tears.

“No, they… they’re perfect,” He wanted to explain that this is the first joyful acknowledgement from someone who knew the whole story about this life he carried, but he was too choked up to get the words out.

“Why? I mean you know Jared wants me to abort this baby, yet here you are encouraging me to have it?”

“You want me to side with Jared?” Chad questioned.

“You usually do,” Jensen pointed out.

“I did when he had your best interests at heart,” Chad explained. “Aborting this baby is more for him and his pride than what’s best for you.”

“Thank you.”

“If you decide against having the baby, I’ll still be there to support you, but Jared can’t make this decision for you Jensen.” He paused before he continued. “Jared has made up his mind and the baby is not real for him, it’s just an inconvenience, but for you it is a living being, so you think hard before you give into him because he’s not the one who will have to live with the outcome.”

Chad paused for a second and then advised, “I told Jared that it might be a good idea for the two of you to get counseling, and even if he doesn’t I think you should Jen.”

Jensen buries he face in the soft baby clothes and lets Chad’s words wash over him. It felt so good to have Chad on his side for once. Even though it was no longer true, Jensen was so much smaller than Jared and Chad until he hit his growth spurt when he was fourteen. It seemed that his small stature made him the target for everyone, but once the bullies realized they had to face the two bigger boys they backed off. Everyone except Keith Green. 

When they were ten Keith made it his personal goal to make Jensen miserable. His torture included everything from wedgies to stealing his lunch money, all of the classics. That was the first time Jared and Chad banded together to protect Jensen. No matter how often over the years Jensen pleaded and begged they always sided against him. Until now. Jared wanted him to have an abortion and Chad was buying him baby clothes.

“Chad, what if a tiny part of me wants, or at last has considered the abortion?” His voice was pleading for Chad to understand.

“Why would you have considered that?” Chad asked puzzled.

“It’s just. Chad this child’s father raped me. What if he turned out like his father. I don’t even know who he is, but the one thing I do know is not very good.”

“And what if he’s like you Jensen, kind, loyal and loving? You’re a good man Jensen and your child won’t be able to help but be the same.”

Because this was Chad’s day off, the two friends spent the rest of the day in a state of vegetation. They sat on the sofa talking, eating and watching movies. It reminded Jensen of when he and Jared were still dancing around each other and he was trying to understand those feelings he had for the other boy. The only thing missing was Jared.

“Call him,” Chad advised interrupting his reflections.

Jensen didn’t even hesitate; he picked up his cell from the coffee table and called silently praying that Jared wanted to hear his voice as much as he wanted to hear Jared’s. Jared answered on the first ring.

“Jensen? Is something wrong?” Jared asked because he didn’t speak, he just let the sound of Jared’s voice help soothe his frayed nerves.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Jensen assured. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“If you come home you can hear my voice anytime you want because there would be no miles between us and no Chad standing guard over you.” Jared cajoled.

Jensen snickered as he looked at Chad who was literally standing over him as he had moved to get himself another beer. “How did you know?” Jensen asked.

“Because it’s what I would do,” Jared explained. “You didn’t answer my question about question about coming home, is it going to be soon?”

“Jared when you look in the mirror that should tell you that we still need some more time, that we’re not ready yet.”

“Then when Jensen will you come home? When?” Jared begged. “I can’t sleep without you here.”

“When I can trust you Jared,” Jensen softly answered. 

Jensen heard the soft intake of breath on the other end of the phone, but he couldn’t allow himself to be swayed by 

Jared’s hurt feelings. Jared had had surgery and didn’t bother to tell Jensen, he just let him think that they were going to have a child that Jared couldn’t sire. How did he move on from that? Then there was the other elephant in the room, Jared had actually believed that Jensen allowed those men to hurt him, and once he found out about him being drugged, he thought saying sorry was enough.

Now Jared wanted him to kill his baby. Jensen knew that he was guilty of having those thoughts as well, but for Jared that is the only option and it is not for Jensen.

“Jensen, I know I fucked up, but tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it because I can’t lose you.” 

“Chad had a good suggestion,” Jensen started.  
“Of course I did,” Chad agreed from his position on the sofa next to Jensen. “What was my ingenious idea this time?” he inquired.

“Counseling,” Jensen suggested.

“Jensen…” Jared began.

“You said anything Jared and this is my anything,” Jensen reminded, his tone brooked no argument.



Two days later Jared and Jensen were sharing an expensive leather covered sofa across from Dr. Jim Beaver. He appeared to be a kind man, but both men were nervous and embarrassed at having to have someone else help them solve their personal issues.

“So, Jensen,” Beaver began, “Tell me why you are here.”

“It’s there in your file,” Jensen reminded him. 

“Yes, but I want to hear it from you Jensen,” Dr. Beaver prompted.

Jensen blindly reached out for the security of Jared’s hand as he began to speak, not even noticing when Jared came to the realization that Jensen touched him of his own accord since before Jared made that fateful trip to California.

 

This case was making Samantha Ferris frustrated. After she and Sheppard had spent hours interviewing Jensen Ackles friends and some of the other patrons at the restaurant, they still had nothing but a gut feeling to go on. Whoever it was knew that Padalecki would be gone for the weekend because there was no way they were going to take on the two of them since they were very large men. She still felt that the culprit was one of the friends, but they could not pinpoint whom. 

When they spoke with Aldis, his focus was Danneel and when they spoke with Danneel hers was Chad, and as far as the rest of the men, they were sure they were straight. The only two that set off their radar were Mike and Misha. Mike was suspect because of his temper and Misha was because he was, well Misha.

They had no luck with the texts that Ackles was receiving because they were coming from a disposable cell and the IP address from the email couldn’t be traced. Their only real lead was Morgan, but now he had stopped talking. It seemed that prison life didn’t agree with him because he didn’t like being fucked against his will. The judge Morgan’s attorney had found to listen to this case had been called out of town because of a family emergency and would be gone for a few weeks. Before Morgan lawyered up they stood a chance of getting him to talk and tell them who his accomplice was but now, now, they were running out of time.

Convinced that the answer lay with Jensen’s friends, she called Sheppard because she had an idea that could break the case wide open and she hoped she could get the friends to agree to help.



As Jared and Jensen sat on the now familiar leather sofa of Dr. Beaver, the alarm on Jared’s phone began to chime. When he reached to turn off the alarm was when he noticed the date. This was the last week. The last week that Jensen could safely have an abortion and they could start on trying for their own again. He had already booked the appointment and shifted his schedule so that he, not Chad could take care of Jensen.

While they waited for the doctor, Jared thought that it was funny how he now looked forward to the twice a week visits to Dr. Beavers office. He really did not want to take part in this, but now it was the one thing he looked forward to. Now it was the only time that Jensen touched him, needed him and it felt good.

“Sorry I’m running late,” Dr. Beaver apologized, “I was on a phone call. So how are we today?”

“Great,” both men answered and Jared frowned at Jensen as he rubbed his expanding stomach. He was staring so intently that he didn’t notice Dr. Beaver staring at him.

“Are you still having trouble accepting the baby Jared?” the doctor asked.

“Not after this week,” he admitted.

“What happens this week?” the doctor inquired.

“Yeah Jared what happens this week?” Jensen echoed.

“Jensen, please you know this is the last chance, if you don’t do this we have to keep this baby instead of our own.” Jared pleaded for understanding.

 

“So I have to kill my baby to give you yours?” 

“Jensen I don’t know if I can love this child.” Jared explained. “It will always remind me that I was not there for you, that I let you down by having the surgery. It will always remind me that I was the reason you were hurt because if I were there, then they wouldn’t have been able to hurt you.”

“Then why did you do it Jared? Why did you have the surgery, knowing I wanted a child?” Jensen cried.

“Because I was scared you were going to die Jensen and that is the honest truth. Those stories about Carriers dying scared me and I just wanted to...protect you.”

“You once said that you loved everything about me, well this baby is me Jared. If you can’t then I can’t be with you.” Jensen decided.

Jared sat there dumbfounded. What just happened here? There had never been a time when he could not sway Jensen to see things his way. He looked at his partner and saw the determination in his eyes and he knew that if he didn’t agree to this then there would be no more them.

“Okay Jensen, okay. There’s no way I’m giving you up,” Jared declared. Judging by the way Jensen’s body visibly relaxed, he knew that he could not change his mind. When Jensen leaned over and kissed his cheek in thanks, he almost came in his pants.

“Jensen that was a huge concession from Jared,” Dr. Beaver declared. “Even though he does not believe that he can love this child, he was willing to change his mind for you. My question to you is what are you going to give him in exchange?”

“I. I’m not ready for sex… I can’t.” Jensen stuttered.

“Do you think that all Jared wants from you is sex? That that is your worth to him?” Beaver challenged.

Jared was relieved when the other man turned to him upset at the thought that Jared believed this, “No Jared, I know that is not all you want from me. Please believe that, but…”

“Jensen you cannot have it all,” Dr. Beaver explained. “You want Jared to share this child with you, and part of that starts before it is born. You are sharing that part with Chad and not Jared.”

“Okay,” Jensen mimicked Jared’s earlier answer.  
When Jensen said yes Jared felt his body begin to come alive so much that he could not keep his leg still. Jensen was coming home! He was so focused on that thought that he did not hear the rest of what Beaver and Jensen had discussed while he spaced out until he heard the doctor call his name.

“Jared are you with us?” The doctor asked in an amused tone.

“Yes, yes I am.” Jared replied giving a dimpled grin to show his pleasure at the thought of Jensen coming home.

“Jensen has agreed to work on letting you touch him. You can start with something simple as handholding or whatever Jensen is comfortable with.”

When the two men left the doctor’s office Jared wanted to drive straight to Chads and grab Jensen’s belongings and take them home, but Jensen wanted to wait. Chad was not home and he wanted Chad to be there to tell him that Jensen was leaving and not walk in and find him gone.

Once they arrived at Chad’s Jared was eager to pack Jensen’s belongings but he wanted Jensen to take the lead there. They had a little awkward conversation until Jensen suggested they pack his things. He didn’t have that many things there, but it was more than he’d originally brought from home. After they had completed packing, Jensen was tired so Jared convinced him to join him on the sofa and he found that had its own merits. Jensen sat next to him but not as close as he wanted, that did not happen until the tiredness turned to sleepiness and Jensen curled in his legs and rested his head in the crook of Jared’s arm.

Jared sat there and rubbed his fingers through Jensen’s short hair grinning like a loon until he too fell asleep. They shifted until Jensen had his head in Jared’s lap, Jared’s head was thrown over the back of the sofa, and that was how Chad found them two hours later.

Jared jolted awake when Chad entered the house. He stood there looking at the two men on the sofa and the packed bags sitting beside the door. Cocking his head towards the kitchen, he walked through the door, not bothering to see if Jared followed. Once inside the kitchen, Jared noticed the tension in Chad’s body and the anger on the blondes face.

“I see you talked him into going home, so I take it you talked him into the abortion as well,” Chad accused. wants to hear and when you get him home you’ll talk him into changing his mind.”

“Look, I really don’t know what to tell you, Chad, I made a promise to him and I damn well intend to keep it. I know that you’re our friend, but this is between Jensen and me, so you need to back the fuck off,” Jared advised.

“I’ll back off when I know that you aren’t going to kill my…make Jensen kill his baby. He loves you Jared plain and simple, and man, I would kill to have someone love me like that. So what if the baby isn’t yours, Jensen is and if you love him like you say you do, then the baby won’t matter.” 

Jared looked at Chad, who knew that he could be so deep or so caring. He knew that they hadn’t been hanging out and doing things the way they used to and hopefully they would soon, because that little diatribe made Jared wonder if Chad had fallen in love.

“No, Chad, Jensen’s going to have the baby and he’s also coming home. I don’t need your approval but I would like to make this less stressful for Jensen.”

“You still have a couple of days to help him change his mind,” Chad alleged.

“If I do that, he has told me in no uncertain terms that we’re through, and I would die before I let that happen,” Jared said.

Chad shook his head in disapproval and alleged, “I really don’t believe you, Jared. You’ve always had a way of talking Jensen into doing whatever you wanted and his wants didn’t matter. I think that you’re telling him what he wants to hear." 



The ride home was silent as Jensen fell asleep the moment the car started to move, and when they reached the house, Jared was half tempted to carry Jensen inside but he knew he would never hear the end of it.

As he helped Jensen into the bedroom and stripped him down to his boxers he let his eyes roam over the body he had not seen in months and took in all of the changes including the most obvious one. As he covered him with the duvet he shot a look of longing at the bed and the man in it before he ran out the door because he wanted so badly to crawl in beside him.

Jared tried to make himself comfortable on the sofa, but somehow couldn’t. The entire time Jensen was at Chad’s, he slept there comfortably, but the knowledge that Jensen was down the hall and sleeping in their bed, he knew that sleep was going to be a long time coming for him.

“Jared?” Jensen called out.

Jared snuggled deeper into the sofa pillow as he responded to Jensen’s voice. He finally fell asleep and he immediately began dreaming about the man.

“Jared,” Jensen called again, this time in Jared’s ear as he shook the sleeping man’s shoulder. “Why are you sleeping out here?” he asked when Jared jumped into a sitting position.

He thought he was dreaming but the hand on his shoulder and the voice in his ear told him otherwise. Jensen was home.

“Why are you sleeping out here?” Jensen probed.

“I didn’t think that you would feel comfortable… that you were ready for that yet.” Jared admitted.

“I am not ready for sex yet, but I think I could handle… that I would like you to share the bed with me. That is if you want.” He admitted cautiously.

“Oh I want Jensen, I want.” Jared murmured as he jumped over the back of the sofa and made his way towards Jensen.

“You gonna stare at me all morning?” Jensen asked as he attempted to stifle a yawn.

“Maybe,” Jared answered around a smile. “Go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Then stop starin’ so hard,” Jensen slurred almost back to sleep already.

Jared grinned as Jensen went back to sleep. Last night they started out each of them on opposite sides of the bed, but by morning, they were wrapped around each other like true North’s. He knew it was time to get up and go for his run, but he couldn’t make himself leave the comfort of the bed and the warmth of Jensen’s body. That was his last thought before he was lulled back to sleep himself by the sound of his partners breathing.

When Jared woke later it was to the glorious smell of …bacon and coffee, and he was sure there was going to be some eggs and toast included as well. Not wanting scare Jensen with his eagerness, Jared willed himself to calm down before he entered the kitchen.

“We’ll be there. Thank you.” Jensen spoke into the phone. Jared smiled at the thought that Jensen accepting invitations for them already.

“Morning Jen,” Jared greeted cautiously as he helped himself to a piece of bacon. 

“Morning Jare,” Jensen returned. “That was detective Sheppard. He and Ferris want everyone that was present at the restaurant the night of my attack to meet them tomorrow at the steak house. They think that with everyone there someone may trigger a memory in someone else and the two of them may be able to get some new clues.” 

Getting as close as he could without actually touching, Jared asked, “Are you going to be okay doing this?”

“I will,” Jensen simply stated. “I just want this to be over, to get our life back.”

When they pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant the next day, Chris, Steve and Chad were all standing outside smoking, but as far as Jared could tell there was no conversation going on. Once he and Jensen reached the men, he could see the tension in their bodies and he supposed the cigarettes were supposed to help calm them.

Once inside Jared was told to sit at one of the empty tables while Jensen was to sit in his usual seat in the corner facing the officer who was a stand in for Morgan. Once everyone was seated Ferris and Sheppard begin to speak.

“The only way this is going to work is that we speak one at a time,” Ferris started. “I know you all want to help but if we don’t respect the person talking this won’t work.”

Jared sat there and stared at all of their friends as Ferris and Sheppard instructed everyone and wondered if their beliefs were true, did one of their friends do this to Jensen. It was hard to look at all of the people sitting around that table and say which one would have been capable of hurting him and then hang around as though he had done nothing wrong.

“Okay Mike we will start with you,” Sheppard advised. “We want to first narrow in on about the last thirty minutes or so.”

“Oh, that’s about when Aldis noticed Morgan staring,” Mike volunteered.

“What made you notice him?” Ferris asked Aldis.

“Old dude just kept staring like he wanted to say something, but he never did that’s why I asked about him,” Aldis explained.

Jared watched the exchange of questions and answers attempting to discern how this was going to gather any information. This was the same story they have told and retold repeatedly and nothing helpful had come from it. As he looked at Jensen, he could see that he was tired so he hoped this charade would be over soon.

“… Jensen was waiting for a drink,” Chris stated. Jared missed the first part of the sentence because he was not listening.

“No, it was tea, remember?” Katie volunteered.

“Yeah, uncle creepy left shortly after Chad bought it to Jensen.” Aldis remembered.

“Why did you bring the tea, Chad?” Sheppard asked.

“The server was on the way and so was I so I just grabbed it,” Chad explained as he shrugged his shoulders. “Besides I left a few minutes after that. I was called in to cover a shift.”

“That’s right,” Misha agreed. “You left your phone and I went to the parking lot to give it to you but you were gone, so Jensen took it to give to you later.”

“We checked on that and several people remember seeing you at the hospital that night, but not all night.” Ferris advised.

“Jensen, Misha and I left about fifteen minutes after that,” Jake added.

Jared continued listening, there was something off about the exchange he just heard, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He looked again at his friends and no one looked nervous or agitated, they all looked calm as though they were waiting for the person beside them to crack.

When the pieces fell into place Jared felt himself flying across the room screaming, “Motherfucker!” as he wrapped his hands around Chad‘s neck and began to squeeze.

 

Jensen stood in shock with his friends and watched as Jared proceeded to beat their friend to a pulp. Later he would remember hearing Ferris say, _and we have a winner_ , as she stood there with everyone else watching Jared get a measure of vindication for them both before the police pulled the big man off.

As Chad lay there wallowing in pain, his face broken and bloody, he turned to Jared, spit out blood and taunted, “You hit like a girl you giant fucking puppy.” That is when Jensen knew, knew that Chad was his unknown assailant because he suddenly had _I can’t believe that you wasted this prime ass on that giant fucking puppy screaming in his head._

Once the police pulled Jared away from Chad, he laughed as he continued to taunt Jared, “At least I stopped you from killing my baby.”

My baby. That’s what it had all been about, a baby. Chad knew that Jared was going to be gone an extra day and why, giving him and Morgan the time to attack him. His goal had been to impregnate Jensen. Jensen didn’t dare look at his friends because now they all know that this baby was not Jared’s and that he had been thinking about killing it. He could feel them as they stared in his direction and he wondered if they were judging him.

“Jensen I love you,” Chad declared as Sheppard handcuffed him and walked him out past Jensen to the car waiting to take him to the police station.

Once Chad was escorted from the restaurant, Ferris removed the handcuffs from Jared and let him go to Jensen. 

“Are you okay?” Jensen asked as he checked Jared’s body for damage by running his hands along his sides. Jensen didn’t see Chad hit the large man, but things happened so fast he might have missed something.

“M’fine baby,” Jared confirmed him, “I’m fine.”

“Well I won’t be until someone tells me what the fuck just happened,” Mike bellowed. “We came here to help our friends and now we are supposed to watch one being led out of here in handcuffs with no explanation? Someone needs to tell us what is going on right the fuck now!”

“Jensen, Jared is it alright if I explain to them?” Ferris asked.

After getting an agreement from both men, she began to explain the facts to the group of friends. She explained how Chad and Morgan colluded to get Jensen alone and attack him. With Chad having working knowledge of the group he was able to pass the information along to Morgan. On the night of the attack, Chad drugged Jensen’s tea and the two of them waited for him to come home. He knew that Jared was out of town until Sunday and they had all night to torture Jensen.

“Jared how did you figure out it was Chad?” Misha asked. 

“It was the phone,” Jared expounded. “Chad was gone by the time Misha reached the parking lot and Jensen took it home with him. When Jen didn’t show up at the airport, I called Chad to pick me up. How else could he have gotten his phone back unless he was there that night?”

“Jen why didn’t you guys tell us that Morgan didn’t act alone?” Katie asked bewildered. “Did you not trust us?”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you guys Katie,” Jensen explained, “It was embarrassing enough that this happened to me in my own home, but with there being two men and the baby… I just couldn’t.”

“Sweetie no one here was judging you, you have to know that,” Danneel encouraged as she sought comfort in Aldis’ arms.

Jensen took in the sympathetic looks from his friends and just wanted this all to be over. He did not want to answer any more questions and no longer wanted to be known as poor Jensen the person who was raped. He just wanted to be plain Jensen again.

“Jared, Jensen can I chat with you for a minute?” Sheppard asked as he reentered the restaurant.

“I know that this has been traumatic for the two of you, but I have something else for you to think about. Chad said that he would confess to everything if he can talk to Jensen for thirty minutes.”

“No, that’s not happening,” Jared growled before Jensen could respond.

“Be quiet Jared,” Jensen admonished, “What if I don’t?”

Taking a deep breath, Sheppard explained, “Then he will agree with Morgan and say that it was consensual sex that got out of hand, and he will fight to get custody of the baby. If you agree, no Jared, just you, than he would admit to everything, plead guilty to avoid a trial for you.”

“No!” Jared shouted.

“Yes,” Jensen quietly agreed.

“Jensen you can’t do this,” Jared insisted.

“Jared think about this. This way no trial, no more having to explain about the baby, about what happened and why I didn’t know it was Chad. It will be over Jared and then we can begin to just be us.”

Jensen really did not want to meet with Chad, but he needed to. It would release the claim he had on the baby, and more importantly, release the claim he had on Jensen as his victim. He knew that there was nothing that Chad could say to make him forgive him, but this was going to allow him to begin to heal.

“Set it up,” he advised ignoring Jared’s glare.

 

Three days later Jensen found himself accompanying Ferris and Sheppard to the jail to visit Chad. If he thought the police station was bad, the jail was even worse and the entire time he was there, he felt a little nauseous.

The three of them sat in small room set aside for visitors. Surprisingly it was bright and clean. Sheppard and Ferris flanked him while they waited for Chad to be bought in. The police officers explained that it would just be the two of them in the room with a guard outside of the door.

When Chad entered the room, Jensen was shocked at his appearance. His face needed a shave, but that was overshadowed by the fact that it was also battered and bruised from the beating at Jared’s hands. Jensen was not sure, but from his viewpoint, some of them seemed fresher. He was chained and wearing an orange jumpsuit with socks and plastic slides on his feet.

The accompanying guard took of the leg irons, left the handcuffs on, and left. Ferris looked at Chad and explained, “Okay convict, the two of you have one hour, but if at any time Jensen decides he wants to stop, then this visit is over, understood.”

“Understood.” Chad echoed.

Jensen watched as the officers left the room and he realized that he was alone with Chad. It was so quiet the soft click of the lock sliding in place sounded as though one shot a gun in the small room.

“How are you?” Chad asked as though he was truly concerned.

“Why?” Jensen wanted to know.

“Because you’re carrying my child,” Chad answered.  
Shaking his head Jensen elaborated, “No, why did you want to see me? Why did you do this to me, and why the fuck do you pretend to care?” 

“I have been in love with you about as long as Jared has. By the time I realized that there was a possibility that you could feel the same, you were Jared’s.”

Jensen looked at Chad and thought about all the good times the three of them had spent together, both while growing up and into adulthood and wondered how it ended up like this, with his friend brutally attacking him.

As if reading Jensen’s mind, Chad pleaded for Jensen to understand, “It was not supposed to have been like this. You weren’t supposed to have been hurt.”

“You raped me, Chad,” Jensen whispered still uneasy about saying the words aloud. “How was I not supposed to be hurt by that?”

Jensen was amazed that underneath the cuts and bruises, Chad’s face was flushed in shame. Jensen did not expect that, but at this point, he should not be surprised by anything anymore.

“I. I just wanted to know what it felt like to love you, physically that is. I had been in love with you for so long. Morgan started talking to me because he realized how I felt about you, we commiserated together, and somehow we went from talking about doing this to putting plans into action. I just wanted to say I’m so, so sorry that I hurt you.”

“Is that supposed to make me or you feel better?” Jensen spat at the blonde.

“Neither, I just wanted to explain… and to say thank you for not killing the baby, because this will be the only grandchild my parents will have.”

“Don’t you do that,” Jensen yelled. “This baby will only have two sets of grandparents so don’t think you can sit there and dictate your wants to me. That was not part of the deal.”

“I know, I know, but…”

“No buts, Chad,” Jensen interrupted, “I did as you asked and came here, but this baby is mine and Jared’s.” 

Jensen let Chad talk some more and he just listened. He did not want to leave before he was through or the time was up because he did not want to be accused of reneging on the deal. When he walked out of the jail, he had the answers to some of his questions but the loss of a friend as close as Chad had been still hurt.

When he reached home, Jared was outside waiting looking as though the walls of the house were constraining him. He barely gave Jensen time to put the car in park before he was all over him, and Jensen just let him because he knew that Jared was worried about him seeing Chad without him being there.

“I’m fine, Jared,” Jensen assured his partner.

“Jensen I should have been… oomph,” Jared’s rant was cut off by the sudden intrusion of Jensen’s lips sliding hesitantly against his.

Jensen missed this, the softness of Jared’s mouth and the closeness of his body. His stomach stopped him from getting as close as he would like, but that didn’t stop him from trying. He found his hands grabbing fistfuls of Jared’s shirt as he tried to get closer. 

He did not even realize that his lungs were running out of air until Jared broke the kiss. He did not want to break contact, so he slid his lips to mouth along Jared’s jaw. 

“Get a room!” Chris Kane’s highly amused voice interrupted.

Jensen hid his head on Jared’s shoulder as the taller man whispered, “I couldn’t keep him away.”

Jensen groaned and walked back into the house with the two men. He was still reeling from both the visit with Chad and the kiss from Jared. He had not expected to get anything from the visit, but then again, it was the closure he needed. 

He did not fool himself into thinking that things were going to miraculously get better, but it was a start. Just like the follow up to that kiss was going to be as soon as he could kick Chris out the door.

 

“Does the daddy want to cut the umbilical cord?” the doctor asked Jared.

“Yes,” Jared replied astounded by what he had just witnessed. The birth of his daughter. His daughter, not Chad’s. He may have been the sperm donor, but Jared, he was going to be daddy, he was daddy. He would get to change diapers, be there for the first steps, her first date and to give her away at her wedding.

“Let me see her, Jared,” Jensen asked after the nurses had cleaned her and wrapped her loosely in a blanket for inspection. Gently he placed the baby in Jensen’s arms and he watched his new husband smile at their beautiful daughter. As she stretched and made little cooing baby sounds, he and Jensen counted her fingers and toes and inspected her as all new parents did. The fact of the matter was that she could have had a third eye and he would have thought she was perfect.

Once they placed her in the glass bassinet to go into the nursery with the other babies, he took several pictures to share with their friends and family in the waiting room. He would join them there and maybe grab some lunch while the nurses took Jensen to his room.

“I’ll see you later,” Jared promised a lethargic Jensen as he prepared to join their family and friends in the waiting room. He chuckled when a sleepy Jensen declared, “Love you, Jay,” as he yawned into the kiss.

“He’ll be in room 6535,” the nurse advised gently kicking Jared out of the delivery room. “Give us about thirty to forty minutes to get him settled. The baby will be in the nursery by the time you guys get to the viewing window.”

As Jared made his way to the waiting room, it occurred to him that it was exactly nine months today. He didn’t need his smart phone to remind him of the date as it was etched indelibly in his mind. As their family and friends gathered in in a hospital waiting room this time, it was for a far more pleasant occasion, the birth of their daughter. They named her Hope, because of all that the name represented. The hope that she gave Jensen to live with the atrocities that had been done to him both mentally and physically at the hands of Chad, Jeff and Jared himself. Yes, Jared. It took him a while to admit that his actions, although done with the best intentions, hurt Jensen.

The counseling sessions helped them both in ways he didn’t realize he needed help. He was learning to discuss things with Jensen before he acted on them, and to ease up on the persuasion. Jensen was learning to say no and mean it. Because Jensen was able to say no easier than Jared was able to give up his need to protect, it made things more interesting in their home.

As Jared took in the faces that had come to celebrate this day and glory in the fact that it will no longer have something negative associated with it. He noticed Carrie and Adam Murray came, but were hanging along the fringe, and that was wrong. They would not be recognized as Hope’s grandparents, but they would be a part of her family and anyone who challenged their right to do so would have to face the wrath of Jensen Ackles. Padalecki.

“She’ll be in the nursery in a few minutes,” Jared announced like the proud father he was. 

As he accepted the congratulations and gifts from the people gathered there, he felt the loss of the one person he should not, Chad. The man had caused them such heartache, but he had been a part of their lives for so long that his emotions were conflicted.

His announcement made, Jared shared the pictures with her grandparents. To keep from being trampled he thought it best to text the photo to everyone.

“She should be in the nursery,” Jared said and led everyone down the hall to see her.

“Which one is she?” Donna asked.

“Well the prettiest one there of course,” Jared exclaimed as he pointed out Hope Marie Padalecki.

As he looked at the group, he noticed that Carrie and Adam were not there. He walked back to the waiting room and found them sitting there, glancing down the hall towards the nursery.

“Jensen would be upset if he knew that you didn’t see his daughter,” Jared admonished them.

“We,” Adam started, “We weren’t sure if we would be welcome.”

“You’re always welcome guys, now come and meet Hope.”  


Jared felt as tired as Jensen looked. He fell asleep as soon as everyone left. The nurses came to get Hope to take her back to the nursery, but Jared wanted to keep her with them for a little while longer. He looked down at the wriggling bundle he held in his arms and couldn’t believe that she was theirs. When he thought about how he had tried to get Jensen to abort her, to end her life before it began, he felt so ashamed because he almost let his stupid pride get the better of him.

As Jared lost himself in the past, he didn’t notice that Jensen had awakened. Jensen looked at his husband and saw the love he had for their daughter. He knew that Jared was more accepting of the baby as his pregnancy advanced, but to see him now, holding her, he knew that they were going to be okay. 

Chad was a loss that they were going to feel the rest of their lives, but from his view, their love for the baby and each other would fill that spot just fine.

Then end


End file.
